Ellie Kemper Begs Her Tormentors for Mercy

Who needs Big Brother when you've got millions of Little Sisters?

The other day I told you about actress and comedian Ellie Kemper (The Office, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt), who has been accused of being a “KKK Queen” via a chain of inferences that are simply moronic and false. Now she’s done the worst thing and therefore the only thing she could possibly do in 2021 America: Apologize for a crime she didn’t commit.

Yesterday Kemper posted this to her Instagram:

Hi guys - when I was 19 years old, I decided to participate in a debutante ball in my hometown. The century-old organization that hosted the debutante ball had an unquestionably racist, sexist, and elitist past. I was not aware of this history at the time, but ignorance is no excuse. I was old enough to have educated myself before getting involved.

I unequivocally deplore, denounce, and reject white supremacy. At the same time, I acknowledge that because of my race and my privilege, I am the beneficiary of a system that has dispensed unequal justice and unequal rewards.

There is a very natural temptation, when you become the subject of internet criticism, to tell yourself that your detractors are getting it all wrong. But at some point last week, I realized that a lot of the forces behind the criticism are forces that I’ve spent my life supporting and agreeing with.

I believe strongly in the values of kindness, integrity, and inclusiveness. I try to live my life in accordance with those values. If my experience is an indication that organizations and institutions that fall short of these beliefs should be held to account, then I have to see this experience in a positive light.

I want to apologize to the people I’ve disappointed, and I promise that moving forward I will listen, continue to educate myself, and use my privilege in support of the better society I think we’re capable of becoming.

Thanks for reading this.

O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two green juice-scented tears trickled down the sides of her nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. She had won the victory over herself.

She loved her millions of Little Sisters.

You’d have to be a lunatic to think a white supremacist somehow infiltrated the world of network TV comedy and spent a full decade as a media darling without any of her peers catching on that she’s actually a Nazi. But unfortunately for Kemper, the lunatics are running the asylum.

Her statement reads like a false confession, wrenched out of her by some totalitarian regime. Which is pretty much what happened. She’s been the target of a weeklong struggle session, and now she’s saying the things her tormentors demand:

“Ignorance is no excuse. I am privileged and must be reeducated. My humiliation is a good thing. It is just and right that you’re doing this to me. I’m so sorry that you’ve decided to hate me, and I’m begging you for mercy. Thank you for allowing me to exist.”

If she’s so privileged, why is she pleading to be spared their wrath? Who’s got all the power here? It sure ain’t Ellie Kemper.

This is no different than John Cena groveling to the Chinese Communist Party in their own language. Kemper’s career is on the line, and she saw what happened when Gina Carano lipped off.

Notice Kemper’s word choice: “the forces behind the criticism.” That’s what they are: forces. That’s what they’re applying to her: force. Not reason. Not logic. Not a genuine desire for mutual understanding. Just raw, unremitting force.

The mob doesn’t care to persuade her. She must only submit. Now she has, for all the good it’ll do her.

The craziest part is that I don’t even like Ellie Kemper! I don’t think she’s funny and I hadn’t given her a thought since I tried to watch her Netflix show years ago. But I do care about the truth, and watching the woke brigade do this to her fills me with dread.

And she’s hardly the only one who’s being brainwashed. It’s been at least 20 minutes since somebody I don’t know scolded me for something I haven’t done, so it’s almost a relief to be chastised by National Geographic about what a racist I am. It helps that they’re keeping the race-baiting mercifully brief. Just six words at a time.

And so on, and so forth.

In that spirit, here are my six words describing my feelings on race:

”I’m begging you: Leave me alone.”

If that sounds like just more white privilege to you, then you’ll approve of this young lady in Castro Valley, CA:

Two things here:

  1. You should be nice to delivery people because they have a crappy, stressful job and they know where you live

  2. If you’re going to beat up an old lady for disrespecting you, don’t do it in front of her building’s surveillance cameras

According to the landlord of the building, the assailant, Itzel Ramirez, said something about “white privilege” to the older woman who was asking for her package. Then the older woman said, “You don’t need to be a bitch about it,” and Ramirez started punching her.

As always when I see a story like this, I wonder what the news coverage would be like if the races were reversed. What if the older woman had been Hispanic and the Amazon employee had been white? What if the Hispanic woman was rude and the white woman beat the hell out of her? What if it was all caught on camera, ready for some TV news editor to hit the slo-mo button?

You wouldn’t need to read about it in some loser’s Substack newsletter, because it would be headline news all across the country. It would be proof of white supremacy. John Oliver would’ve already done a whole segment on it, and the Amazon driver would’ve already released her abject confession tape on Good Morning America. It would be the biggest story in the country.

But no. Instead it’s just a local news story. And the message is: “White bitch shoulda checked her privilege and kept her trap shut.”

You are a human being, dear reader, and there’s so much more to you than the color of your skin. But then, as previously mentioned, I’m obviously a racist.

Speaking of racism, remember when this message qualified as such?

When Bad Orange Man said these very words, it was self-evidently racist. But now Good Brown Woman is saying it, so it’s not racist. The truth depends on who’s telling it.

Isn’t this so much better than thinking?

Oh, and, uh… this never happened, okay?

So, What Else Is Going On?

Guess who has some advice for NYC’s mayoral candidates? HINT: He’s got a bone to pick.

I’m vaccinated and I know the vaccine works, so I don’t care if anybody around me is wearing a mask. I’m not going to give you a hard time if you want to wear one because it’s none of my business, and because I know you can’t give me your cooties either way. That’s the great thing about vaccines.

But that’s no longer what the obsession with masks is about. It has nothing to do with science. After a year of mask-wearing (preceded by months of being told not to wear masks), now it’s nothing more than a superstition.

Let’s say a baseball pitcher eats three tacos and then throws a no-hitter. Naturally, he’ll then eat three tacos before every subsequent game because he thinks it brings him luck. Correlation is not causation, but he doesn’t care. It feels right. It gives him the confidence he needs.

That type of superstition is what we’re seeing now with masks: “I wore a mask for a year and didn’t get sick. If I keep wearing the mask, I won’t get sick. Sure, I’m vaccinated, but I still need my mask!” It’s irrational. And you can know it’s irrational and still feel compelled to do it.

Which is why people are now buying masks that specifically explain why they don’t need to wear masks:

Wearing a mask that says “VACCINATED” is kinda like wearing a shirt that says “NUDIST.” But whatever gets you through the day, man.

Over at NRO, Charles C. W.1 Cooke asks: What Use Is Chris Cuomo to CNN? It really is remarkable that the network hasn’t sent that guy on a fishing trip with Neri. But they keep Stelter around, so why would they get rid of a guy who’s slightly smarter and more honest and at least looks the part?

I’m glad Cuomo is still there, for comedic value. Nobody else could have given us this instant classic:

Breaking: John Weaver finally paid his taxes!

Lastly, a humble mea culpa.

Glenn Reynolds (AKA Instapundit), who I’ve known for 20 years and who encouraged me to start blogging way back when, replies to my recent assertion that Donald Trump whipped up the mob that attacked the Capitol on January 6:

Claiming that Trump “whipped up” the mob at the Capitol is out on a limb indeed, given that many of these people weren’t Trump supporters, and entered the Capitol before Trump started speaking. Treacher, for some reason, detests2 Trump, but this is just a lefty storyline.


My mistake!

Reynolds, for only the best reasons, esteems Trump, so I will defer to this righty storyline.

Thank you for your kind attention. If you liked what you just read, please subscribe to this newsletter. If you didn’t like it, in my experience that’s more likely.

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I think it stands for “Cuck Wanker.” At least according to the people who hate him, who are also the people who hate me.


Do I detest Trump? No. I just find him exasperating, and the truth means more to me than his feelings. More to the point, I’m tired of his fans denying reality because their sense of self-worth depends on remaining in the warm light of his gaze. Read more about it.