No, Ellie Kemper Is Not a 'KKK Queen'

The Twitter mob comes for us all eventually

Many moons ago, I realized that by the time I learn enough about a big “news” story to realize I don’t care, the story turns out to be BS anyway. And so it is with the tale of Ellie Kemper, the actress and comedian from The Office and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, who was branded a “KKK Queen” this week.

Why? Because people started tweeting a rumor, based on a misunderstanding about some debutante ball in St. Louis that Kemper attended as a teenager over 20 years ago, and Twitter put it on their “What’s happening” sidebar of trending topics. It turns out that the claim is complete garbage and Kemper has never had anything to do with the Klan, but mere facts won’t do her or anyone else much good in 2021 America. The mob is always hungry for blood, and Kemper is this week’s special.

Once somebody decides to go after you on social media, there’s nothing you can do to defend yourself. Defying the mob is framed in the press as “doubling down,” and groveling for forgiveness just emboldens your tormentors. Kafka was an amateur, man.

There’s an entire media ecosystem devoted to whipping up these fake outrages for clicks. Why go after Ellie Kemper? Why not go after Ellie Kemper. Or you, or me, or anybody. We can be cancelled at any moment, for any reason or no reason at all.

If you’ve got enough money, all you can do is hide out until the mob moves on to another target. But if you can’t afford to just disappear for days or weeks or months… shrug emoji!

This sort of crap generates traffic for Twitter, which is why they amplify it. They know there’s a mob with torches and pitchforks at the ready, just waiting to be pointed toward the next victim. And Jack Dorsey sits on his billions and watches what he’s done.

With great power comes great irresponsibility.

Continuing the topic of irresponsible use of social media, read this and tell me whose fault it is:

Do you think AOC bears any responsibility in this scenario, just because she’s rich and famous?

Do you think she should be helping her grandmother instead of exploiting the woman’s misery for partisan political purposes?

Do you think AOC should assume some agency in her own life and the lives of her loved ones, instead of blaming government bureaucrats?

Do you think it’s pathetic that she doesn’t realize how bad this desperate ploy for Internet clout makes her look?

Do you think she should spend a little less time buying Teslas and posing for magazine covers and yammering for hours on Instagram Live, and more time attending to the family members she claims to care about?

Well, no, it’s not any of that, apparently. It’s Trump’s fault. Blame Trump. Mean ol’ Trump.

So, What Else Is Going On?

Just yesterday I was disgusted that Anthony Fauci is publishing a book about the pandemic, because I’m sick of him lying to me about the pandemic. Well, just hours after the book was announced, it was pulled from Amazon. Whoops! Looks like those e-mails of his are messing up his book launch.

Fauci has become a secular deity to a certain sort of liberal, and he continues to make fools of them. Not that it’s difficult to make fools of them. They’re pre-fooled in the factory.

One noted pundit has likened Nichole Wallace’s bizarre giggle there to “Mickey Mouse gargling balls.” Who am I to disagree?

Cue the violins, we’ve got another one:

Katie Hill isn’t a victim, of course. She’s an abuser. The actual victims are the staffers she sexually harassed, which is why she had to resign from Congress. It’s good to see that Hill’s latest attempt at lawfare has failed, and I assume she won’t learn a thing from it. But she can hold her head up high, knowing she’s living proof that women in politics can be every bit as sleazy and corrupt as the men. Equality!

Are you ready for White-Haired Boy Summer?

This messaging is a definite improvement, considering Biden recently held out the hope that maybe we could have cookouts this July 4th. As if we were all on the edge of our seats, waiting for King Joe’s permission to celebrate our independence. The vaccines are working, whether or not he wants to give his predecessor any credit.

I’d like to congratulate the president on getting through an entire 20-second statement without botching it and/or saying something racist. Sounds like the gingko biloba is working.

Do ya like television, friend? Then you should watch Mr Inbetween on Hulu. The best show on American TV is from Australia, mate!

Speaking of foreigners doing American stuff better than most Americans: With apologies to Zack Snyder fans, I prefer movies with zombies that are genuinely terrifying, characters who feel like real people, and situations that aren't dumb as all hell. You should #CancelNetflix right now, sign up for Shudder, and watch the Korean action-horror masterpiece Train to Busan, preferably with commentary from the great Joe Bob Briggs.

(None of these people are paying me to say these things, as far as you know.)

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