Never Mind, Biden Just Got a Cat
Never Mind, Biden Just Got a Cat
Awwwww, so cute!!
Over the last 365 days or so:
Build Back Better was killed back deader. The U.S. surrendered to the Taliban and left Americans stranded in Afghanistan. The Dems tried to convince us that our voting rights are somehow at risk and the filibuster is a remnant of Jim Crow (even while they continue to filibuster Republican bills), and they fell flat on their faces. Joe Biden still hasn’t shut down COVID-19, proving his ridiculous campaign promise was, well, ridiculous. Inflation is skyrocketing. The US-Mexico border is wide open. Cops are being murdered left and right. Betty White is dead.
Biden is like a fecal Midas, because everything he touches instantly turns to—
Oh, wait. What’s this? Joe Biden just got a kitty-cat? Yay!
They finally have a cat. America has been clamoring for the Bidens to get a cat, you see, and now they have a cat. That’s definitely a cat, alright.
So when you’re paying $5/gallon for gas, you’ve been replaced at work by an illegal Honduran immigrant, and your kid just got expelled for letting his mask slip below his nose during dodgeball, just think about that adorable lil’ kitty.
Awwwww, so cute!!
Evangeline Lilly (Lost, Ant-Man) says she went to that anti-mandate rally in DC last weekend, and now every masked-up COVID Karen freak in the world wants to cancel her.
I was amused by this paragraph in the Daily Beast writeup:
Lilly wrote Thursday that she believes “nobody should ever be forced to inject their body with anything, against their will” under threats including “violent attack,” “arrest or detention without trial,” homelessness and starvation, and “excommunication from society.” (Note: Nobody is forcing anyone to get the vaccine, and these threats are not real.)
Yeah, nobody wants to excommunicate Lilly from society. They just want to destroy her career and make her go away forever because she said something they don’t like.
I’m vaccinated, so I don’t care what anybody else does. I’m pro-choice. Evangeline Lilly can say whatever she wants, and the people trying to cancel her are only alienating the rest of us.
No, that school system in Tennessee didn’t ban Art Spiegelman’s Maus. They just removed it from the curriculum. And not because it depicts cartoon mice during the Holocaust, but because it has profanity and cartoon mice with no clothes on. It’s stupid, but it’s not censorship. If leaving a book off a school curriculum constituted a ban, almost every book ever written has been banned.
But lies get more clicks, and libs love clicks.
First Neil Young quit Spotify over Joe Rogan, then Barry Manilow did the same, and now Peter Frampton is applauding it. This whole thing is really big news in 1978.
Has Bill Hailey weighed in on this yet? Stephen Foster? Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?
UPDATE: Manilow has denied it.
But Joni Mitchell is jumping on the bandwagon. We’ll see how many other ‘70s artists grasp at renewed relevance.
Ezra Miller played the Flash in Justice League, and before that he portrayed a terrifying teen spree killer in We Need to Talk About Kevin. Now the Flash is getting his own movie that’s scheduled to come out later this year, virus permitting. Seems like a pretty good time to be Ezra Miller.
Also, Miller just started a feud with… the Ku Klux Klan?
Not just the Klan, but the Beulaville, North Carolina chapter of the Klan. That’s weirdly specific.
Substack doesn’t embed Instagram video yet (get on that, guys!), but of course the video is going all around the internet:
“Hi. This is Ezra Miller, AKA the Bengal Ghouls(?), the Mad Goose Wizard. And this is a message for the Beulaville chapter of the North Carolina Ku Klux Klan. Hello, first of all. How are y’all doing? It’s me. Look, if y’all wanna die, I suggest just killing yourselves with your own guns. Okay? Otherwise, keep doing exactly what you’re doing right now, and you know what I’m talking about, and then, y’know, we’ll do it for you, if that’s really what you want. Okay. Talk to you soon, okay? Byeeeeee!!”
I don’t really keep up with the doings of the KKK because it’s 2022 and not 1922, and I’d never heard of Beulaville (population: 1,533) until now. Miller doesn’t explain his problem with this specific group of racists. Does he have family in North Carolina? Is he filming there? Did the Beulaville Klan send him a nasty text? What’s Ezra Miller’s beef with that particular chapter?
Searching the news, all I could find was this:
There was an unexplained fire, and fortunately there were no injuries. Is this why a Hollywood actor is calling out a chapter of the KKK in a town most of us have never heard of before?
Or maybe Miller is just a crazy weirdo. This isn’t the first time he’s freaked everybody out. A couple of years ago he got in trouble for attacking a woman in a bar in Reykjavik, Iceland:
So the guy is prone to unusual behavior when he’s partying, to say the least.
But hey, if you want me to take sides in any dispute between an emotionally disturbed Hollywood actor and the literal Klan, I’m with Hollywood every time. F the KKK.
Use the Speed Force on ‘em, Ezra.1 When they try to burn a cross on your lawn, run around it really fast and create a tornado that hurls it up into the air. Then rip off all their white hoods at super-speed and write “BLACK LIVES MATTER” on their faces with a Sharpie. Have some fun with it.
You might’ve noticed Miller’s ring with the lightning bolt on it. Here’s how that works:
Look, it’s not like I’m proud of knowing these things.
Have I mentioned lately that I really like Substack?
TGIF, and thanks for reading. Now that you’ve scrolled all the way down here and I’ve proven I can keep your interest, it’s time to shame you into paying for this newsletter if you aren’t already. I’m working hard on this thing every day, and I need to make a living. A subscription is only $50/year, which is less than a tank of gas! Or, if you don’t really trust me yet, you can go monthly for $5 per. Plus, if you subscribe I’ll be your friend.2
And I can use your help with some unexpected expenses. My furnace broke down, and it’s winter in Indiana so I need to deal with it. Plus I’ve got some medical bills. My health is fine, thanks for asking, but I still need money. So if you want to help me out, please click this button. I’d really appreciate it.
No, not speed like the drug. Do you really need me to explain all my comic-book references to you? Don’t you know how to Google?
I mean, not like best friend. I won’t help you move or drive you to the airport. But I’ll probably be nice to you and I won’t talk $#!+ about you, not even behind your back. That’s what friends are for.
Valenti's tweet pair was classic Jessica Velenti. Thanks for taking one for the team, Jim, and screening it for us.
My eye started twitching even before the Vicodin tweet bc I knew some super self-unaware statement was about to drop. Only two days. *smdh*
PS: there's a Pat Zajak tweet out there where he facetiously asks why we peons don't just think what them celebrities tell us to think anymore. Something to the effect of "you picked us for a reason"
Two things:
1) "But lies get more clicks, and libs love clicks." Libs also seem to really love them some lies!
2) I will scour the news to see what serious and helpful actions the tough-talking actor (who looks like someone who tough people would not take terribly seriously) will take against whoever set that mystery fire. Now that he has hit TikTok, I expect him to start a hashtag or something...