John McAfee, Rest In Power

Suicide? Seriously?

Entrepreneur and two-time presidential candidate John McAfee was found in his cell in a Spanish prison yesterday, dead of an apparent suicide. He was 75.

McAfee was incarcerated in Spain last year and was awaiting extradition to the U.S. on tax evasion charges. Here’s one of his last public statements in October 2020:

People don’t believe that I wrote in McAfee for president in 2020, just after his imprisonment, so here’s the proof:

  1. Yes, my handwriting sucks

  2. If you force me to vote for an elderly lunatic criminal, I get to pick

Was it a joke vote? Okay. Was it futile? Definitely. Do I regret it? Not one iota. This is the United States of America, and I’ll be damned if I let any political party lickspittle or starry-eyed fanboy bully me into voting for anybody I don’t wanna. If you don’t like it, you can kiss my stars and eat my stripes.

John McAfee was crazy as hell, possibly a murderer, and definitely a swindler. And I really liked him.

He was no role model, which is precisely why he would’ve been a good president. He would’ve gotten $#!+ done, regardless of who hated his guts or kissed his ass. Well, no, probably not, but so what? It still would’ve been fun. He would’ve owned the libs and the cons at the same time, every single day, all while drunk off his keister.

And he wouldn’t need to sneak around with any interns, either. He’d be honest about his needs and fill the Oval Office with hookers.

Did McAfee really kill himself? He certainly didn’t think so.

Although it would’ve been just like McAfee to frame the U.S. government for murdering him, after insisting they had framed him.

All jokes and ironic distancing aside, I found John McAfee fascinating and terrifying in equal measure. He was a uniquely American figure, and I'm genuinely saddened to learn of his death. R.I.P.

And yes, I’ll probably end up writing in his name on my next presidential ballot as well. We just elected a guy with one foot in the grave, so why not get it over with and put an actual corpse in the White House? It sure would save a lot of headaches for the Secret Service.

Now go read Matt Labash’s profile of McAfee when he ran for president as a libertarian in 2016. Then read everything else you can find from Labash because he’s great.

So, What Else Is Going On?

The Sheldon “Whites-Only” Whitehouse scandal isn’t going away, no matter how CNN et al. try to minimize it:

The journos wouldn’t call an all-white club “exclusive” if Whitehouse were one of those evil Republicans. They wouldn’t maintain this respectfully distanced tone. They know they can’t just ignore the story, so they’ll do everything they can to soften the blow.

How many whites-only clubs does Whitehouse belong to, anyway? And where are all the race pimps demanding he resign?

It’s good to be a Democrat in power.

OUT: “Why do you need a gun? You have nothing to fear from the government.”


Yeah, I know, but “TREMBLE BEFORE MY POWER, SCUM” sounds so much more cuddly when Grandpa Joe says it.

Can you imagine if Trump had said this? “Why do you need a gun, dummy? You can’t stop me. I’ll just blow you up with my nukes!” I can almost hear the high-pitched shrieking of Brian Stelter.

So, how are we to reconcile Biden’s attitude with the claim that the Capitol riot was the worst crime on American soil since 9/11? That riot was wrong, as were all the other riots over the past year, and I hope those idiots enjoy their time in jail. But it hardly took F-15s or nukes to put them there. If the government is so almighty that any resistance is useless, why do the Dems keep hyperventilating about 1/6?

Flexing government power to point out the futility of the Second Amendment is the whole reason we have a Second Amendment. Joe was always too dumb to understand that, even before his rapidly disintegrating brain started leaking through his ears.

Speaking of the Capitol riot: This was not faked, it was not a “normal tourist visit,” and FBI infiltrators didn’t make these people do these things.

#BackTheBlue, huh?

The NYT’s Mara Gay is talking again. The last time I paid attention to her, she was having a nervous breakdown because she saw the American flag. What’s got her in a tizzy this time?

Yes, the spiking crime rate has nothing to do with the push to demonize the cops. Libs chanted #DefundThePolice for a solid year, and now they can’t figure out how crime increased. It must be due to Mara Gay’s vague list of grievances, not anything that actually happened over the past year.

That’s the great thing about being a lib. When your ideas don’t work and society suffers as a direct result of your lunacy, you can always just blame… society!

In an earlier era, before internet-enabled cameraphones and the resulting social-media clout economy, you might walk right past a person like this on the street without realizing she's a remorseless psychopath.

“Ignore the five-year-old, she’s just acting out” is justifiable. “Ignore her, she’s just acting out because she’s a racist” is nuts.

I dunno, maybe that poor kid wouldn’t wake up with violence in her heart if her mom didn’t scold her own daughter for white privilege just to gain some TikTok clout. Maybe infecting your children with your racially obsessed self-loathing isn’t good. Maybe you could try just being a human.

You can kick the senator out of the Senate, but you can’t kick the Senate out of the ex-senator.

This is like Al Bundy going on tour with the code word POLKHIGH4TDS. Let it go, Stuart Smalley, it’s over. And that’s… okay.

I’d almost feel bad for Franken if he weren’t such a witlessly partisan hypocrite. And, of course, if he hadn’t groped all those women.

You might think Brian Stelter is the worst person on CNN, if not cable news as a whole. But let’s face it, he’s not even the worst person in the Stelter family.

TFW you’ve dishonored your proud family name.

This Week’s Loki Nerd Crap

Why would anybody move to a planet named Lamentis? That’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, innit?

Okay, I was wrong about TVA employees being robots or artificial lifeforms or something. Assuming this newly introduced She-Loki is telling the truth, that is, which is never a sure thing with any version of Loki. But if all those TVA guys really are memory-wiped variants, kept alive for centuries, I guess that would explain why Casey in episode 1 has no idea what a fish is. And why Mobius loves jet skis but doesn’t remember ever riding one.

Still, the whole “Time-Keepers” legend seems like a cover story, probably cooked up by one of the apparently infinite versions of Loki. Maybe that’s who Richard E. Grant will play when he shows up next week.

And somehow it’s a big deal that the MCU Loki is bisexual or gender-fluid or whatever the appropriate term is this week. Which kinda gets a 🤷🏻‍♂️ from me. I’ve always assumed all those ancient gods just banged anything that moves, male, female, or otherwise. Why not? They’re gods! Whadda you gonna do about it?

I give this episode 3 Infinity Stones out of 6, because there was no Owen Wilson. How do you hire the man to do a six-episode series and then bench him for an entire week? He’s the best part of the whole show! Forget all the exploding planets and karate fights, just bring back Mobius and his Texas drawl.

Maybe they’ll call the fifth one Indiana Jones and the Memento Mori.

The Pope met Spider-Man yesterday, and it was cool to see those two Marvel characters together IRL. Although technically, it was Pope John Paul II who starred in his own Marvel comic, not the current guy.

I always wanted him to fight Mephisto. Are you listening, Kevin Feige?

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