Jen Psaki Wants to Beat Big Meat
I said what I said
Let me explain.
Here’s the White House press secretary yesterday, making excuses for the runaway inflation that Joe Biden has caused because he’s an idiot:
Have you noticed that whenever the Democrats are in power, everybody else is suddenly greedy? That’s their answer for everything. It’s not that their policies are screwing everything up, oh no. It’s your avarice.
Dems hate greed. That’s why they want to grab all your money.
Anyway, as I was explaining: If we have Big Tobacco and Big Oil and Big Tech and all these other Big Industries that are supposedly so evil, this particular conglomerate must be called Big Meat. And the WH press secretary wants to defeat it.
So that’s why I say: Jen Psaki wants to beat Big Meat.1
Why, what did you think I meant?
Which brings us to another huge lie from Psaki yesterday:
The Biden White House is blaming the Americans they abandoned in Afghanistan. They bungled the withdrawal beyond all imagining, and now they’re actually patting themselves on the back. Gaslighting. I really don’t understand anyone who falls for this.
Oh, Biden’s doing just fine. Why do you ask?
What’s the neurological for missing important words in a sentence?
Hey, remember that thing you weren’t supposed to say because it was crazy? Beyond the pale? Stephen Colbert almost leaped over the desk and clamped his hand over Jon Stewart’s mouth for daring to say it?
Yeah.
How about that.
As I’ve mentioned, my favorite Italian dish is schadenfreude, and the recent travails of the Cuomo family have been very tasty indeed. Now Andrew is being forced to give back the $5 million he made from his stupid pandemic book. First he made the pandemic worse, and then he profited massively from it. I still can’t believe that happened in the first place, but it just makes his comeuppance all the more delicious.
For all my problems with Trump, I’ve never hated him so much that I would run into the arms of a slimy criminal like Andrew Cuomo for solace. Out of all the crazy things that happened over the past two years, putting that mook on a pedestal is probably the nuttiest. I’m really tired of people worshipping politicians and bureaucrats. I am not a vassal and I don’t owe these people a damn thing.
Janice Dean stayed on Cuomo’s case, even as his stupid brother Fredo was trying to dig up oppo on her. She spoke truth to power when many of her peers were lying on behalf of that power. We all owe her a debt of gratitude.
Plus, she seems like a really good person:
Politicians across the country are learning a valuable lesson: The only thing worse than cops is no cops.
A couple of Twitch streamers just got banned for using the word “cracker” to refer to white people. I think it’s silly to ban such an innocuous word. Or any word, for that matter. Yeah, I’m a cracker, so what? It doesn’t hurt my feelings.
But I also think it’s silly to be a Twitch streamer. Yeah, I know you can make a lot of money, but sitting in front of a webcam all day sounds like a fate worse than death. Being poor sucks, but at least I still have my dignity.
Sort of?
I like Nicolas Cage. Always have. Even when I don’t understand why he’s doing what he’s doing onscreen — “I’M A VAMPIRE! I’M A VAMPIRE! I’M A VAMPIRE! I’M A VAMPIRE!” — I appreciate that he’s following his muse. I won’t sit through any old piece of crap just because he’s in it,2 but when he’s good, he’s really good. And when he’s not so good, well, he’s still Nic Cage.
So I was intrigued when I heard about The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, in which Cage plays a fictionalized version of himself, mocking his public image as a spendthrift lunatic who will do anything for money. #MetaAF! The title also reminds me of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, but I choose not to hold that against Cage.
I’ve watched the trailer about 10 times now, and it’s growing on me:
It looks… kinda funny? I’m just worried this will be another Snakes on a Plane, where they try so hard to make it a “thing” that they forget to make it a good movie.
When was the last time a whole movie was built around a major actor lampooning himself? Being John Malkovich?
That looks like a younger Cage (CGI?) at the 1:06 mark. I think he’s reliving this incredible moment from British TV 30 years ago:
It’s crazy that Nic’s hairline is lower now than it was in 1990. The older he gets, the less scalp he shows. Just clean living, I guess!
Cage has made over 40 movies in the last decade, and most of them have not been very good. If he can get back on top by completely taking the piss out of himself, it’ll be the most Nic Cage thing ever.
Nicolas Cage needs to be an A-lister again. No, not the B’s!
Well, here’s a questionable achievement that Twitter Dot Com just reminded me about:
Fourteen years today. Wow, time flies when you’re… uh…
I don’t really remember 14 years ago. I can barely remember 14 minutes ago. But I do remember not really getting the point of Twitter when I first joined in 2007. It was just baffling. I didn’t understand why anybody ever used it. Then at some point, and I think it took a couple of years, something just clicked. And it’s been all downhill ever since.3
But hey, where else but Twitter can you find Wonder Woman subtweeting J. K. Rowling?
With all due respect to Ms. Carter, nobody who watched her show ever wondered if she was really a woman.
And how am I obliged to affirm someone else’s identity? Nobody has ever affirmed mine. Either you know who you are or you don’t. Why drag me into it? Figure your $#!+ out like the rest of us.
Happy Wednesday, and thanks for reading.
Also: I really need your support to keep doing this. You scrolled all the way down here, which means I’ve captured your interest. Now I need your money, because nobody else wants to pay me to come up with this stuff. I mean, where else could I get away with a headline like “Jen Psaki Wants to Beat Big Meat”? If you want more of that sort of sophisticated humor, please help me out here. Think of me as a Salvation Army bellringer, except I’ll never call you a racist.
If you’ve already done that, how about giving a gift subscription? A great Christmas gift, or prank, depending.
Yes, I made this same joke yesterday. It’s a good joke, and these liars keep giving me an excuse to make it. So there.
I tried to watch Prisoners of the Ghostland, I really did. Just dull. I hope Cage’s new movie is a huge hit so he doesn’t have to accept every script he’s given.
As addictions go, I could do worse than Twitter. At least I’ve stayed off the booze. In a couple of weeks it’ll be four years since my last drink. When people ask me how I’ve done it, I don’t really know. Drinking had become a habit, and now, I guess not drinking is the habit. It isn’t really willpower, it’s just inertia: “I didn’t drink yesterday, so I might as well not drink today.” Finally, my natural laziness is good for something. I don’t know that I’m necessarily happier without it, but I do feel more in control. And I’ve saved a hell of a lot of money. The cheapest booze is the stuff you leave on the shelf.
alright ... I sub'd. You got me.
Plus, I love your stuff and have since I don't know when. It was sometime post 9/11 that I first heard of you, and I think you are an excellent writer.
Keep up the good word/work
One of the funnier posts to date - "What’s the neurological for missing important words in a sentence?" and "No, not the Bs" were A+