CNN Gives Jeffrey Toobin Another Whack at It

Obviously he's got some pull

Last Sunday, Anthony Weiner got a sympathetic profile in the NYT. Yesterday, Katie Hill was the subject of a puff piece in the LA Times, which spent 1,300 words painting her as a victim of “revenge porn” while carefully tiptoeing around the fact that she resigned from Congress for having sex with her staffers. Every other week, Al Franken trends on Twitter because Democrats are still angry he ended his political career by groping women and they want him to come back. And of course, Bill “I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman” Clinton is welcome at any Democratic Party gathering at any time.

The Dems claim to be the party of women, and they made such a big deal out of #MeToo, yet they keep allowing these predators and perverts back into the fold. Is there a sex pest the libs won't welcome back with open arms and legs for telling them what they want to hear?

Nope!

CAUTION: What you’re about to watch may cause you to cringe harder than you’ve ever cringed in your life. I enjoy a lot of cringe comedy, like Curb Your Enthusiasm and Nathan for You and the various Alan Partridge shows, but I can barely get through this. It is awful. It’s just wrong.

I don’t want to say this segment is hampering CNN’s agenda, but nobody’s talking about some assault weapons ban today.

There are only two jobs where you can play with yourself in front of everybody at work without getting drummed out of the industry, and the other one is porn.

What did Alisyn Camerota ever do to deserve the humiliating task of explaining who this worm is and what he’s doing back on CNN? Why is she actually tweeting it out?

Toobin, on his former colleagues at the New Yorker who had to witness him floggin’ the dolphin: “They were shocked and appalled. I think they realized that this was not intended for them.” You see, he was only beating off in front of them, not to them. It’s called nuance.

“I don’t think there is anything further that’s going to come out.” Unlike Toobin, I am not touching that one.

And hey, at least he’s not OJ Simpson, is he? At least CNN isn’t hiring OJ, right? That makes it better.

Why the hell are they bringing Jeffrey Toobin back, anyway? Is he the only lawyer in the world who wants to be on TV? Were viewers clamoring for his return? Did anybody really miss this sort of incisive legal commentary?

An unnamed CNN executive told WaPo: “I don’t think that one terrible mistake should define a person or ruin their employment opportunities for life.”

Unfortunately, that generosity of spirit doesn’t extend to anybody outside the CNN bubble. If you’re a random guy who makes a meme of Trump beating up the CNN logo, the network will devote their full resources to tracking you down and threatening to ruin your life.

If you’re an old lady with a Facebook page supporting Trump, CNN will send a “journalist” to stand on your lawn and berate you.

And of course, if you’re a high-school student in a MAGA hat who smirks at a Native American dude in front of the Lincoln Memorial, CNN will make you the villain of their top story for a week. They’ll try to crush you for wearing the wrong slogan.

But if you work for CNN, you can yank your crank during a work Zoom call and they’ll just say, “Ehhhh, big deal. It could happen to anybody!” It’s good to be a Democrat.

I’m just trying to imagine if this were happening at Fox News, Camerota’s old employer. Hollywood made a whole feature film about sexual harassment at FNC, while ignoring Matt Lauer and Charlie Rose and all the other creeps at all the other networks. Will they ignore this scumbag too? If our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters on the left actually care about sexual misconduct in the workplace, will they let Toobin get away with it and keep his job?

That’s a rhetorical question.

In case you forgot or didn’t know, this is only the second-worst thing Jeffrey Toobin has ever done. He once had an extramarital affair with Casey Greenfield, the daughter of his former CNN colleague Jeff Greenfield, and fathered a child with her. Then he tried to get her to have an abortion, denied being the father, and refused to pay child support until she took him to court. The boy was born in 2009, so by now he’s old enough to start realizing who and what his dad is.

If only CNN would.


Oh yeah, and then there’s this:

As a great man once said: “Those are my principles. If you don’t like ‘em, I have others!”


So, What Else Is Going On?

Remember when I said Kamala Harris isn’t ready for this? I’d like to make a correction: Kamala Harris really, really, really isn’t ready for this.

Okay, I always get confused about the racial hierarchy I’m supposed to observe. Is Kamala Harris more of a victim than Ilia Calderón, or less? That’s how you determine who’s right and who’s wrong in any dispute. Calderon is Colombian, and I know it would be a big problem if a white person were this rude to her. But I think this is okay because Kamala doesn’t need to check her privilege, right? This intersectionality stuff always messes me up.


For my money, Andrew Stiles at the Washington Free Beacon is the best writer on the Internet. Unfortunately for him, I don’t have any money. Still, you should read everything he writes, starting with: A Comprehensive Guide to All the Problems Kamala Harris Is Solving With Her Extensive Leadership Skills.


Wait, no, I take back what I said a minute ago about white people being automatically problematic. It’s okay for a white person to talk down to a non-white person, as long as the non-white person is a Republican.

The Voice of Black America: Brianna Keilar.


By the way, the crisis at the border isn’t going away just because Kamala literally won’t go there and nobody at CNN wants to talk about it: “We need more body bags.”


Ron DeSantis isn’t the next Trump. He’s the next Reagan. He’s living proof that you can own the libs without making a fool of yourself. No wonder the Democrats hate and fear him.


Why does Jimmy Kimmel hate women?


We all know Amy Schumer is a plagiarist, but it’s even worse than we thought. Now it turns out she even stole this gal’s face.


Disney doesn’t exactly need my help getting the word out, but if you’re a Marvel fan who was disappointed by the first two live-action series set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Loki is worth watching.

The writers have found a clever way to turn the bad guy into the good guy: Force him to confront his own actions and admit to himself why he does the awful things he does. He becomes the protagonist by realizing that all along, he only thought he was the protagonist. Appropriately mischievous!

Tom Hiddleston plays the imperious-but-charming rogue to perfection as usual, but the real kick is watching Owen Wilson saunter in and just take over the whole Marvel Universe without even needing to snap his fingers. His character is some sort of cosmic detective named Agent Mobius, who works for an interdimensional ultra-bureaucracy called the Time Variance Authority, and Wilson plays him as part-cop, part-camp counselor, part-guardian angel.1 Mobius just seems like a really nice guy, because of course Wilson is never not likable.

Mobius sees potential in Loki and knows there’s more to the god of mischief than mustache-twirling villainy, and now we get to watch him bring it out. It’s yet another buddy comedy, but unlike The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, it’s actually funny. All the CGI in the world is meaningless if you don’t care about the characters and want to see what they’ll do next, and Loki nails it.

Plus, Mobius drinks Josta, which is clearly still available to time-travelers. I remember trying that energy drink during its brief run back in the ‘90s, but I never did figure out what “guaraná” is. Maybe that’s the stuff messing up the flow of spacetime or whatever?


There was a typo in yesterday’s newsletter, which bugs me because I pride myself in scouring my copy until it’s as clean as possible. I fixed it in the web version, but the shameful, ruined edition already went out in the e-mail to subscribers. If you can find that typo, dear reader, your No-Prize is the smug knowledge that I don’t always get everything rihgt.


If you liked this newsletter, I hope you’ll subscribe. If you didn’t like it, please understand that I’m doing the best I can at a pretty stressful time in my life and I really don’t need your negative energy. We’ve talked about this, and I know the way you deal with your anger is all wrapped up in how you were raised and your issues with your daddy, but I just don’t have time for it right now. Give me some space, okay?

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1

If the hints we get in the first episode are any indication, Mobius might be a literal angel. Or some other type of preternatural being. The TVA seems to exist in another plane of reality, and we’re told all the employees were “created,” not hired. Plus, there’s one low-level worker who can’t discern humanoid males from females, and he doesn’t even know what a fish is because he’s never seen one and possibly doesn’t even need to eat. The people we see walking around the TVA might not be, strictly speaking, human. I’ve had jobs like that.