Alec Baldwin Might Get Locked Up Before Trump Does
ABC: Always Be Criminal
Hey, do you remember that guy who tried to impersonate Trump on Saturday Night Live? Remember how he spent his free time berating female flight attendants and spewing homophobia and beating up paparazzi? Remember how he had to go on The View because he called his prepubescent daughter a “pig”? Ever wonder where that guy is now?
Then I reckon you oughta hang onto your cowboy hats, pardners. That dirty lowdown sidewinder decided to make hisself a Western, but things went plumb loco and now he’s in a whole heap o’ trouble:
That’s the important thing, of course: Alec Baldwin’s $#!++y movie. Not Halyna Hutchins and her loved ones.
(Incidentally, it’s nice to see Miguel Almaguer at work again. Three months ago, NBC News benched him for reporting facts about the Paul Pelosi assault that Nancy didn’t want us to know. We never did get an explanation from NBC, and we never will.)
The Today Show also has some breaking news for anybody who’s been in a coma since Reagan was president:
Complicated past? Nah, it’s pretty simple. Alec Baldwin is a manipulative rageball who uses his fame to get out of trouble. (Just like the guy he hates most in the world.) NBC sounds like a battered spouse: “You just don’t know him like I do…”
My condolences to all the journalists and other liberals who worship Alec Baldwin and are in mourning today. Look on the bright side: If he gets locked up, it’ll be the next best thing to seeing Trump in prison. Maybe they’ll even let him wear the wig.
And all this happened because Baldwin wanted to be a cowboy. Maybe his cellmates will let him star in their rodeo. Ride ‘im, cowpokes!
Update: It looks like Substack was having some issues this morning, and images aren’t loading. So if you got this in your email and it doesn’t show a picture of Norm Macdonald on Weekend Update above, the joke is ruined. Yay!
Oh, Joe Biden is doing just fine. Why do you ask?
To be fair,1 this is probably less embarrassing than Joe trying to move and clap to the beat. Then he really would look like he stepped out of The Jerk.
The Democrats once waged a bloody civil war to keep their slaves, and now they have to settle for black voters. Better than nothing, right?
Meanwhile, Joe is still being pestered with annoying questions about his obvious corruption and criminality:
He actually said, “There’s no ‘there’ there.” Is he denying he owns a garage?
Next he’ll insist he’s never even seen that Goodwood Green ‘67 Corvette Stingray in his life. Then the Dems will try to convince us it’s just dementia, not dishonesty, and we’ll have to flip a coin to decide which unacceptable answer is more plausible.
The clown show in Davos continues:
Primarily a climate act, huh? That must be why the Inflation Reduction Act isn’t reducing inflation.
Speaking of reducing inflation, what’s Al’s waist size these days? Forget cutting carbon emissions, he needs to just cut carbs. The more he tries to save the planet, the more he resembles one.
Elsewhere at the big WEFfen-SS party:
Isn’t that great? It’s always fun when Christopher Guest makes a new movie.
Here’s some news from my home state:
Democrats: The Party of Women!
No matter what you think about Donald Trump, we can all agree on one thing:
He had me at “jailing journalists.” Not all of his ideas are bad…
I really don’t understand what’s going on with the Steven Crowder/Daily Wire stuff. But if anybody wants to give me $50 million, or $50,000, or even $5.00, I promise not to bash you in public for it.
And if you’re a freeloader who’s been getting this newsletter for free, it’s never too late to do the right thing and buy a subscription. It’s only $5/month or $50/year, which is a ridiculously low price for a clear conscience.
Hello, fellow Letterkenny fans!
Heh: "Elsewhere at the big WEFfen-SS party".
Who would be shocked to see video from the mountain that the WEF meetings are being held on, with the mountain top opening on a giant hinge revealing a giant laser?
Say what you will about Alec Baldwin (he's a murderer and should be locked up, *of course*) His appearance in GlenGarry, GlenRoss is some of the best five minutes in cinema history. I have gone back and watched that a number of times, and the entire movie is in my top ten.
The WEF and Climate Change activists are primarily anti-human. Prove me wrong.
I truly believe they want about 2Billion people to somehow, some way, just hit the self-delete button. And this is a low ball number, a starting point. I think when Paul Ehrlich says "we would need 7 earths to continue at this rate" the WEF'ers nod along and are all "go on..."