Alan Moore Buys a New Mansion for BLM's Patrice Cullors

Who watches the watchman when he squanders his fortune out of spite?

As an aging nerd who’s still stuck in the ‘80s, Alan Moore is one of my favorite writers in any medium or genre. Watchmen. V for Vendetta. Swamp Thing. From Hell. Miracleman. All brilliant. The guy is a storytelling genius.

But that doesn’t make him smart about everything.

Moore is infamously contemptuous of all existing and future adaptations of his comics work. He just hates the very idea of it. He wrote that stuff for the page, and in his opinion, it just doesn’t translate to film. Ever.

Having read most of his work and seen all the movies and TV shows based on it, I can’t say I disagree. A few of those adaptations occasionally capture the spirit of his work, but it’s a pale shadow of the original. Moore is a craftsman, a master of his medium, and none of those Hollywood hacks can hold a candle to him.

In fact, Moore hates Hollywood so much that he even disdains their money. Here’s what he recently told The Telegraph:

Is it true that he refuses all money he is entitled to from the film companies, asking for it to be divvied up among the film’s writers and other creatives? “I no longer wish it to even be shared with them. I don’t really feel, with the recent films, that they have stood by what I assumed were their original principles. So I asked for DC Comics to send all of the money from any future TV series or films to Black Lives Matter.”

I was taken aback when I first read that. Not because Alan Moore is donating his salary to a lefty cause. That’s no shocker; he’s practically a communist. No, it stands out because this is the first time I’ve heard about Black Lives Matter in at least a year.

Actually, it’s been about a year and a half since we learned BLM founder Patrice Cullors has been using all that donation money to buy millions in real estate.

Cullors exploited George Floyd’s death to make a fortune from guilty white lefties, and now Alan Moore wants everybody to know he’s a sucker too.

I actually feel bad for him. Out of all the causes he could support as he thumbs his nose at his old DC Comics bosses, he’s throwing his money at those BLM frauds? He needs a better financial advisor.

But hey, I still love the guy and I think he’s a genius. I admire his principles, even if the way he’s directing them is misguided.

If you have no idea what the hell any of the preceding is about, I recommend reading Watchmen. It might not be his most accessible work, but I think it’s his best. The premise is: What if superheroes existed in the real world, and one of them was assassinated, and a crazy guy with a mask that looks like a Rorschach test had to hunt down the culprit? There’s a lot more to it than just guys in long underwear punching each other. Although there’s some of that too.¹

And if you turn up your nose at comics and superheroes? Hey, that stuff is worth literally billions of dollars these days. Stan Lee was so loaded, some parasite of a manager tried to bilk him out of it in his last days. Now that’s success!

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Speaking of hirsute old limey codgers whose heyday was the ‘80s, guess who’s back? Derek “Lukewarm Water” Smalls from Spın̈al Tap!

He’s as sick of Barbie as the rest of us. But unlike the rest of us, he has the talent and drive to strike back:

Nice to see Smalls is keeping busy in his dotage. Just like the Stones, he’s still making music when he’s almost old enough to be president. It’s not Tap, but anything Tap-related is welcome in these grim times.

I still haven’t seen Barbie, because it’s about a cheap plastic toy for little girls. I wouldn’t go anywhere near that theater, and it has nothing to do with my current restraining order.

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TGIF (That’s Great, It’s Fine), and thanks for reading. I am very tired.

1. I didn’t think the movie worked, but Jackie Earl Haley was absolutely perfect as Rorschach. It was a great comeback role and should’ve made him a bigger star.