Week Sauce (3/29)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the week’s events. Enjoy!
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer is promising to ban ninja swords.
When reached for comment, a ninja spokesman wagged his finger and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
Jasmine Crockett referred to Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who uses a wheelchair, as “Governor Hot Wheels.”
Which is appropriate, considering her brain is the size of a matchbox.
A biotech startup is working on a drug that will help dogs live longer.
Unless, of course, they live in Asia.
Researchers say eating too much sodium can cause depression.
In response, ABC has removed the salt lick backstage at The View.
According to Paul Sanchez, brother of Jeff Bezos’ fiancé Lauren Sanchez, the couple’s upcoming wedding will be as big as Princess Diana’s.
Just watch out for those tunnels.1
In Paris, actor Gerard Depardieu is on trial for alleged sexual assault on a movie set.
Fortunately for Depardieu, the judge and jury are also French.
The husband of former Missouri Representative Cori Bush has been indicted for pandemic loan fraud.
In his defense, he was just trying to keep this woman fed.
Disney’s Snow White is projected to be the lowest-earning live-action remake in the company’s history.
They probably should’ve cut that scene where she fire-bombs a Cybertruck.
Maxine Waters now wants to deport Melania Trump, who became a naturalized citizen almost 20 years ago.
To accentuate her point, she hit Fred Sanford over the head with her purse.
In San Francisco, low-income drivers caught on speed cameras will be fined 50% less than everyone else.
Soon the safest vehicle in the city will be this.
