Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the week’s events for whatever reason. Enjoy!
According to a new poll, almost 80% of Americans oppose allowing men in women’s sports.
The other 20% look like this.

Gustavo Petro, president of Colombia, says cocaine is “no worse than whiskey” and is only illegal because it comes from Latin America.
Which is exactly what I told that silly judge.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu presented Donald Trump with a plague containing a golden pager, referencing Israel’s devastating sneak attack on Hezbollah last year.
Hezbollah could not be reached for comment, which makes sense.1
In the UK, a group of scientists are calling for a ban on boiling lobsters and crabs alive, arguing the creatures feel pain much like humans do.
In related news: Scientists have been torturing lobsters and crabs.
Joe Biden has just signed with Hollywood agency CAA.
He’s already gotten an offer to star in a live-action version of Veggie Tales.
In Florida, a man dressed in Dalmatian-patterned pajamas escaped arrest for reckless driving and then, with a handcuff on one wrist, evaded police for over a day.
They finally got him because he was dog-tired.