Week Sauce (12/14)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s news for whatever reason. Enjoy!
According to the South China University Of Technology, “Frosty the Snowman” is the most dangerous song to listen to while driving.
China, huh? Maybe the problem isn’t the song.
Good news: The regime of Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad has collapsed, and he’s fled to Moscow.
Bad news: Now everybody’s gonna pretend they have any idea what’s happening in Syria.
In Australia, a musical based on the life of Olympic breakdancer Raygun has been cancelled because her lawyers are worried it would damage her brand.
That’s right, he actor playing her can actually dance.
In Switzerland, a Catholic church has installed an AI Jesus Christ to hear confessions.
According to the artificial messiah: “Dead or alive, I’m coming with you.”1
Luigi Mangione, the suspect in the murder of UnitedHealth CEO Brian Thompson, was spotted by an elderly man at a McDonald’s in Pennsylvania.
No, not this guy.
The McDonald’s employee who helped police identify Luigi Mangione might not get the $60,000 reward from the FBI.
But he can expect a lot of hate mail from Taylor Lorenz.
According to Elton John, legalizing marijuana is one of the greatest mistakes of all time.
It makes people realize his music is terrible.