Wait, Jussie Is... GUILTY?!?

#JusticeForJussie is finally here, but not the way he wanted

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

Whoa.

So you’re telling me that this whole time, Jussie Smollett actually did it? He really is guilty? There were no crackers in MAGA hats prowling the streets of Chicago at 2 a.m. in subzero weather, carrying around ropes and bleach, hunting for TV actors to attack? You’re telling me Jussie faked the whole thing? You’re saying I’m not complicit in this hate crime due to the color of my skin, because there was no hate crime at all?

Wait, what???

Reuters @Reuters

BREAKING: Actor Jussie Smollett is found guilty of staging a hate crime against himself in what prosecutors said was a bid to gain sympathy and bolster his career reut.rs/3IxTPOa

I don’t know what to believe anymore. This changes everything. If you can’t trust Jussie Smollett…¹

But seriously, folks, I’m genuinely surprised by this verdict because it’s obviously the correct one even though it happened in Chicago. This ditz committed the dumbest fake hate crime in history against himself, and now he’s been proven guilty in a court of law. It’s actually a relief to see justice being served. Not “social justice” or “racial justice” or any other kind of “justice” that apparently requires a modifier. Just plain old justice.

As a wise man once said:

Jussie Smollett @JussieSmollett

Frauds are everywhere y’all. Protect the mind, heart and spirit of you and your people at all costs. Just remember... Salt, cocaine and anthrax can all appear to be sugar...(the “refined” kind of course) just be careful out here fam. Happy Sunday. Love you. Real talk. Love on.

That was two days before he proved his point.

A lot of people called us racists and homophobes for doubting Smollett’s story, and most of them work in the media. If you didn’t publicly defend him against the evil MAGA-heads he made up, the libs called you a Nazi.

This is the part where those unethical slugs defer to consensus reality and apologize to America for lying to and about us. I can almost hear them now:

Just look at how Time magazine framed the verdict:

TIME @TIME

Jussie Smollett convicted of lying to police over "staged" attack

ti.meJussie Smollett Convicted of Lying to Police Over ‘Staged’ AttackJussie Smollett’s conviction for lying to police about a racist, homophobic attack came nearly three years after his report of a horrifying hate crime quickly became part of a polarized political landscape.

Gotta love the sneer quotes around “staged.” Guess they can’t let go of the fantasy, which they promoted at the time:

TIME @TIME

'I am forever changed.' Jussie Smollett speaks about racist, homophobic attack in Chicago for the first time

mag.time.com‘I Am Forever Changed.’ Jussie Smollett Speaks about Racist, Homophobic Attack for the First TimeActor Jussie Smollett said he is “pissed off” by those who have doubted him in his first interview since an hate crime attack in Chicago.

Not “alleged racist, homophobic attack.” They took him at his word. Anything else would be racist and homophobic!

Our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters in the press got this story completely wrong, but they know who’s really to blame…

Stephen L. Miller @redsteeze

Brian Stelter's CNN's Reliable Sources newsletter written by @oliverdarcy goes after Fox & "bad faith media" after the Smollett verdict and not the media who reported it as fact, like his boss.

Things must be tense at CNN right now. First Kyle Rittenhouse was acquitted, just because the evidence overwhelmingly showed that he acted in self-defense. Then Chris Cuomo was fired, merely because he helped his brother smear the women accusing him of sexual harassment. And now justice has caught up with Don Lemon’s good pal Jussie.

The truth keeps winning. That’s terrible news for liberals.

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Not that MSNBC is any better, mind you. They just gave this valor-stealing clown a hero’s sendoff, after he lied repeatedly and egregiously about being in the $#!+ in Iraq:

Curtis Houck @CurtisHouck

Brian Williams finally signs off after almost 30 years between MSNBC and NBC, promising it'll be "impossible to be silent and stay away from you and lights and cameras" and then eventually concluding: "[F]or all my colleagues of the networks of NBC News, good night." (4/4)

Maybe Williams isn’t really quitting. Maybe he heard somebody else talk about quitting, and he just incorporated it into the fantasy world he lives in.

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🎅🏻jimtreacher.substack.com🎄 @jtLOL

Day 102 of Americans stranded in Afghanistan.

Daily Mail Online @MailOnline

Afghan mother sells one newborn twin so she can feed the other

trib.alMother forced to sell months-old twin to buy food in AfghanistanA desperate Afghan mother opens up about the difficultly of making the decision to sell one of her newborn twins for food to give to the other as millions face starvation under Taliban rule.

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Oh, Biden’s doing just fine. Why do you ask?

Tom Elliott @tomselliott

SUPERCUT! Biden entered his “Democracy Summit” firing on all cylinders

And do you remember when somebody on his campaign staff tweeted this?

Joe Biden @JoeBiden

Vladimir Putin doesn’t want me to be President. He doesn’t want me to be our nominee. If you’re wondering why — it’s because I’m the only person in this field who’s ever gone toe-to-toe with him.

Biden and Putin are going toe-to-toe again, and Biden just delivered the knockout blow by ceding Ukrainian territory to him. That’s showin’ them dirty Russkies, Joe!

The Cold War was over in 2012, according to the Dems, when Romney pointed out that Putin was still a problem. Then the Cold War started up again when they needed an excuse for Hillary’s humiliating loss. Now it’s off again, because Biden just doesn’t want to deal with it. The libs treat Russia like a light switch, flipping it from DANGER to NO DANGER and back as needed.

When will someone paint a street mural of Biden making out with Putin? That’s how we gauge these things, after all.

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The southern border is still a mess, by the way. But the Biden administration is handling it with their typical level of competence:

Washington Free Beacon @FreeBeacon

Customs and Border Protection To Host ‘Unconscious Bias’ Seminar During Immigration Crisis The "virtual discussion" will focus on "the impact of stereotypes and unconscious biases in the workplace." Via @SaysSimonson

freebeacon.comCustoms and Border Protection To Host ‘Unconscious Bias’ Seminar During Immigration CrisisAmid an immigration crisis, Customs and Border Protection this month is offering a seminar on “unconscious bias” for all staff.

Yeah, what if somebody enters this country illegally and a border agent is racist to him? It’s bad enough that we’re punishing people for breaking the law, but do we really need to hurt their feelings too?

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My cautious optimism about The Matrix Regurgitations continues to be, well, cautiously optimistic. The more I see of it, the more I wonder if it might actually be… good?

‘Member when Neo said, “I know kung fu”? Well, he still knows kung fu. I clapped! I clapped because I know The Matrix!

Keanu Reeves is 57, and Carrie-Anne Moss is 54. To say they look good for their age would be an understatement. But it’s kinda boring to have them look the same in the Matrix as they do in the “real world,” except for their shaved heads.

The whole idea of an online avatar is to present an idealized version of the self, right? What you’d like to be, not necessarily what you really are. So wouldn’t it be more interesting if Neo and Trinity looked eerily ageless in the Matrix, but in real life they looked like regular fiftysomething schlubs? Larry— er, Lana Wachowski should’ve cast Will Ferrell and Melissa McCarthy as the real-life Neo and Trinity. Show us what the passage of time really does to a person. Call it The Matrix Regressions.

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1. Hold on. What if the whole Jussie Smollett thing is a Tenet-type situation? What if, instead of Jussie staging the attack on himself by hiring those Nigerian weightlifters, it was actually Jussie attacking himself? One day in the future, Jussie travels back in time to kick his own ass in 2019, but, see, the 2019 version of Jussie didn’t know about it because he hadn’t even had the idea yet. God, that’s confusing. I hate that movie. I need to watch it again.