The Sky Is Falling and Our Only Hope Is Katy Perry
She really does believe that
I know it’s only noon, but I guarantee this is the dumbest thing you’ll see all day. Hell, all week. Month. Year.
As ridiculous as this scenario is, the funniest thing is that the two of them are still together in 35 years.
Remember when Katy Perry used to run around half-naked singing about popsicles and lesbians and whatnot? Remember Left Shark? Perry didn’t care about politics, and the world didn’t end. Now she cares about politics, and the world isn’t going to end. The only difference is that now she’s addicted to making herself miserable because… I dunno, it makes her feel important? She survived Trump, she survived the pandemic, and now she needs something new to be upset about.
No matter how many times the sky doesn’t fall, it’s always about to crash down on people like Katy Perry.
She and Legolas actually believe this tripe. They really think the evil Republicans are aching to kick down their door for voting Democrat. And why wouldn’t they believe that? They’re completely insulated from what most Americans would call reality. When was the last time they talked to a Republican? When was the first time?
I just hope Katy Perry lives until 2055 so we can all have a laugh at the stupid, histrionic nonsense she was spouting in the early ‘20s. “Hey Katy, can ya still vote? Are the stormtroopers at your door yet? Hey, where’s Orlando? LOL!”1
The guy who created the Five Nights at Freddy’s games, Scott Cawthon, just got #cancelled for making political donations to Republicans. Liberals can tolerate anything except dissent. That’s what will happen to Katy Perry if she ever steps out of line.
So, What Else Is Going On?
I don’t like political operatives because they’re always lying to me, but sometimes I can’t even get mad at them. Sometimes the damage they’re doing to their own souls is worse than anything they could possibly to do me.
Just look at this clown:
This is like when a little kid lies to you. “I didn’t eat the cookies,” the tyke insists, with his face and hands all covered in chocolate. It’s just so silly and pathetic, you almost feel bad for the lil’ fella.
That lie is so insane, it doesn’t even qualify as gaslighting. Conway might as well say, “Biden is probably the youngest president ever.” It’s completely delusional. But a lot of people will believe it because the truth is just too painful. The dumber the lie, the stronger their faith in it. That’s how guys like George stay rich.
Speaking of repulsive creeps, Kyle Smith at NRO has more on Hunter Biden’s memoir.2 I’d almost feel bad about Hunter’s various addictions and self-destructive mishaps if he weren’t funding it with dirty money from the ongoing criminal enterprise called the Biden family. Hunter is worse than Billy Carter and Roger Clinton and the whole Trump family put together, and yet he’s actually convinced himself he’s some sort of victim. It’s a mercy that his poor father can’t remember any of his antics because his brain is melting.
I don’t want to say Hunter’s got a drug problem, but he got banned from the Chateau Marmont for partying. That’s like getting kicked out of church for praying. That’s like getting a speeding ticket at the Indy 500. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!”
And Hunter gets away with it, because that’s how power works. No matter what he does, the media will paper it over. Imagine calling yourself a journalist and running interference for a literal crackhead who works as a bagman for his father, the president of the United States. Then the journos all project their guilt and shame onto the rest of us. It’s not my fault you’re corrupt, you @$$holes.
The only thing that makes sense now is for Hunter Biden to run for president. And of course, he’ll win. And of course, we’ll deserve what we get.
And here’s another lying Democrat, courtesy of Alison Young at USA Today:
In the early days of the growing coronavirus outbreak that would soon become a pandemic, an elite group of international scientists gathered on a conference call to discuss a shocking possibility: The virus looked like it might have been engineered in a laboratory.
“I remember it very well,” Dr. Anthony Fauci, the top infectious disease expert at the National Institutes of Health, said in an interview with me on Wednesday. “We decided on the call the situation really needed to be looked into carefully.”
Oh, he remembers it well, does he? That’s what they decided, was it?
That must be why anybody who brought up the lab-leak theory for the past year was branded a crackpot. That must be why Fauci spent an entire year brushing aside any suggestion that COVID-19 didn’t come from a bad pangolin pot pie or bowl of bat soup in that Wuhan wet market. This creep has lied to us every step of the way, and yet we’re supposed to worship him because he’s not Trump.
Hey, Fauci eventually tells the truth when his lies are exposed. He’s always got a perfectly good explanation for why he was right all along, even when it’s the complete opposite of what he said yesterday. What more do you want from the guy?
Scientists. Now they’re telling us that it’s impossible to slow or reverse the aging process. Which just shows you how much science knows.
Although I wonder if that older gentleman would still look almost the same 35 years later if he stopped dyeing his hair and working out assiduously and drinking the fresh, thriving blood of Sea Org ensigns.
Probably! His youthfulness is most likely due to good genes, which he purchased on the dark web.
Is Lori Lightfoot okay? Can someone please help her?
They miss him so much. They don’t know what to do without him.
Apparently I’m expected to have an opinion about Juneteenth, so here it is: I’m glad slavery is over, and also I can’t help but notice it ended more than a century before I was born. So please celebrate in any way you see fit, or don’t. Either way is fine. Not everything has to be a frontline in the culture wars.
See, that’s why I’ll never make the big bucks. I don’t want to divide people, which is where the money is. I respect you more than that, dear reader.
There’s no point in pretending anymore that Portland, Oregon is salvageable. Just wall it off and turn it into the open-air prison it’s already becoming. Every once in a while, send in Snake Plissken.
R.I.P. Frank Bonner, AKA Herb Tarlek from WKRP in Cincinnati. The ‘70s were a golden age of men’s fashion, and Herb was an icon.
Your loss, Jennifer Marlowe.
If you’re not watching Mr Inbetween on FX, you really should be. It’s an Australian show about a small-time Melbourne hitman/legbreaker who also happens to be a really nice, laid-back guy. Well, not when he’s killing people or threatening to cripple them if they don’t pay up, obviously, but those people always deserve it. He’s also a divorced dad living in suburbia, and he has to balance the horrible, violent $#!+ he does for a living with his attempts to give his daughter a normal life.
Scott Ryan, the star and writer of every episode, is really one of a kind. The show balances comedy and drama in a weirdly understated way I’ve never really seen before. One minute there’s a goofy sight gag, and the next minute there’s a terrifying brawl or firefight. But none of it feels forced or fake. You believe that this guy would react the way he reacts in any given situation, from one extreme to the other. There’s no way to predict where an episode is going to end up based on where it starts, but the transitions are never jarring. It’s all of a piece.
Check it out on Hulu. There’s nothing else like it on American TV. The closest thing is Barry on HBO, but the only real connection is that they both feature professional hitmen. Two great shows, but two different vibes.
And so ends my first week of “going paid.” Many thanks to everyone who has subscribed so far. I’m having a lot of fun writing this newsletter for you every day, but I’m also treating it like my job because it is. I can’t do it without you, so I’m very grateful for your support. Please help spread the word so I can keep doing this!
If you haven’t subscribed yet, why not give it a try? All the cool kids are doing it. You want to be cool, right? You don’t want ‘em all to think you’re some kinda square, do ya?
Seriously, though, if you’re not sure what a Substack is, or who I am, or what the hell is going on here, I typed up a whole long thing about it. I really want this to work, and I need your help.
In the future, the interjection “LOL” fades out of the vernacular for a few decades but makes a big comeback in the early 2050s. Nostalgia, doncha know.
Hunter is the repulsive creep, not Kyle, who is just a regular creep.
Congratulations on a week well spent.
To paraphrase Bill Buckley, Democrats are all in favor of voting rights until they find out that people who don't agree with them can vote too.