The Rules Wouldn't Keep Changing If You Peasants Just Did What You're Told at That Particular Moment

This is all your fault, according to the people you trusted

We got some new COVID-19 rules yesterday. They were different than the rules we got the day before that, and I assume they’re different than the rules we’ll get tomorrow.

To recap:

  1. Absolutely do not wear a mask

  2. You must, must, must wear a mask or you’re killing Grandma

  3. Don’t leave the house or you’re killing Grandma

  4. If you can’t avoid leaving the house, stay at least six feet away from any other human being you see or you’re killing Grandma

  5. Wash your hands 20 times a day

  6. Do not touch your face or anything else, ever

  7. Get vaccinated so you don’t have to wear a mask

  8. You have to wear a mask even if you’re vaccinated

  9. When the above rules change, and then change back, and then change back again, shut up about it or you’re a stupid MAGA-head

  10. Don’t forget to vote Democrat!

Remember this?

And this?

And this?

Yeah, well, forget all that. Never happened.

“When I said it’s forever, that was true at the time.” Sounds like a country song.1

Remember 15 days to slow the spread? Try 15 years.

So now it’s my fault that the Biden administration hasn’t hit its COVID vaccination goal. It’s my fault that Biden is failing. That’s on me. I did the right thing and got vaccinated, and now he wants to punish me for it because some other people didn’t get vaccinated. I’m supposed to start wearing a mask again because somebody somewhere did a study, and some bureaucrat saw it and flew into a panic, and the president of the United States said, “Yeah, yeah, panic, let’s have some more of that!”

And this is supposed to convince unvaccinated people to change their minds, somehow? Biden thinks he’s punishing Private Pyle by making the rest of us do endless push-ups while Pyle stands there eating his donut. Except Pyle doesn’t give a $#!+, and if we throw him a blanket party tonight, we’ll go to jail.

How is this supposed to work? How is putting me back in a mask supposed to convince an unvaccinated person that he needs to get vaccinated so he still has to wear a mask? What is that conversation supposed to sound like?

“Hey, see this mask I’m wearing, even though I’m vaccinated?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t take it off until you get vaccinated.”

“Okay.”

“Are you going to get vaccinated?”

“No.”

THE END

An unvaccinated guy sees a bunch of vaccinated people wearing masks, and he says, “See? The vaccines don’t work!” This is exactly the wrong message to send. It’s backwards. It’s brainless. It’s Biden.

The other day I joked that now they want you to wear a mask in the shower. Turns out I was pretty close:

If none of this makes sense to you, that’s because it doesn’t need to. This isn’t about science. It’s about control. You will do as you’re told, peasants, and your moral, ethical and intellectual betters will continue to do whatever they please.

And I haven’t even gotten to F*uci. Enough from the clown.

But it could be worse. I could be in Australia right now.

Meanwhile, China gets away with it. Whether you believe it was a lab leak, or a bioweapon, or somebody ate a bad bowl of bat soup or a tainted pangolin pot pie, it’s an undeniable fact that this pandemic started in Wuhan, China. The ruling Chinese Communist Party has done nothing but lie and stonewall about it. And all our politicians and press look the other way, because they want that Chinese money.

Our leaders are useless. Worse than useless. And I’m done listening to them.


You know who loves the pandemic? Liberal fascists. They can’t get enough of it. All day they can sit around scolding people and telling them what to do. It’s great!

Take it away, Don Lemon:

While stupid Chris Cuomo, who broke quarantine and lied about it, sits there nodding like a big dope.

It just makes sense, right? If you’re unvaccinated, you’re a danger to other unvaccinated people, so you need to stay away from vaccinated people who are in no danger from you. See, we need to corral you with all the other unvaccinated people, who are the only ones you can infect, because… um…

Well, whatever. The point is that you’re now a second-class citizen and Don Lemon has yet another reason to remind you that he’s better than you. That’s reason enough to completely upend our society over yet another COVID panic.


Hey, quick question: Are we all in the Army now?

Yeah, cool. Also, when you’re in the military, you don’t get to choose such things. I’m not in the military. I chose to get vaccinated.

So, is Professor History Genius here suggesting mandatory conscription of all U.S. citizens of every age into the armed forces? How would that work, exactly?

And what was the mortality rate for smallpox? Worse than COVID-19, or better?

Sorry for trying to think it through, but somebody has to.


It’s been awhile since we’ve heard from Democrat Sheldon “Whites Only” Whitehouse, but just because he’s been out of the headlines doesn’t mean everybody’s forgotten he’s an old-school Democrat.

Lee Brown, NY Post:

BLM Rhode Island told WLNE that Democrat Sheldon Whitehouse has until next Friday to either resign or cut ties with Newport-based Bailey’s Beach Club — or it will make his life miserable, the station said.

“We’ll go to his club, we’ll go to his office, we’ll go to his home — wherever we need to go,” one of the chapter’s directors, Mark Fisher, vowed.

You wouldn’t think it’s so difficult to quit a country club, particularly a racist country club, but “Whites Only” Whitehouse just won’t do it. He’s committed to the old ways, back when the Democrats were open about their racism. Hell, they even started a civil war over it.


I’ve always been ambivalent about Confederate statues, because I assumed a statue has never hurt anybody. Turns out I was wrong. We need to tear down those statues so people don’t hurt themselves tearing down those statues, or something.


Here’s one for Mom and Dad:

MyPillow to Pull Ads From Fox News in Disagreement With Network

Apparently MyPillow CEO and chief pillow-hugger Mike Lindell wants to start using his ad time to promote his theory that the 2020 election was stolen. That’s too much for even Fox News.

I’m just trying to imagine that commercial:

“Sleep is the most important thing to your health, and MyPillow is the most important thing to your sleep. I personally guarantee MyPillow will be the most comfortable pillow you’ll ever own, or your money back. Trump won the election and Ashli Babbitt was murdered. 🎶For the best night’s sleep in the whole wide world, visit MyPillow dot com! 🎶”

This is America. Mike Lindell can believe whatever he wants, a news channel can refuse to put it on the air, and he can take his business elsewhere. That’s how it works.


It sounds like the backstage battle over Black Widow will turn out to be more interesting than the movie itself.2 Yesterday Scarlett Johansson announced she’s suing Disney for breach of contract — something something theatrical release, blah blah blah Disney Plus — and now Mickey is taking his big white glove and smacking her upside the head:

Wow! I knew Walt Disney was a penny-pincher who treated talent like trash, but accusing one of your own stars of killing Grandma for demanding the money you owe her?3

If you know anything about the history of Marvel Comics, this is no surprise. The whole company is based on bilking creative people and then condemning them for standing up for themselves. The only thing that’s changed is the dollar amount. Johansson has earned more for this one movie than most comics creators make in a lifetime, but management’s tactics for shutting down artists are still the same.

Of course, that’s assuming this isn’t just another of Natasha Romanoff’s elaborate schemes. She is a master spy, after all. This could all be a ruse so she can “defect” to the DC Universe and become a double agent. She’s probably gonna gather valuable intel on Batman’s plans to send back to Kevin Feige. She’s a crafty one, that Black Widow!


Thanks for reading, and TGIF. I’m dancing as fast as I can, every single day, and I need you to throw a quarter in the jar. That’s literally what I’m charging for this newsletter you just read: 25 cents a day. What’s the last thing you got for 25 cents, a gumball from a vending machine? Come on, man, this is my life we’re talking about here. Please don’t make me keep begging.

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1

Now: Imagine it’s Trump. Imagine the reaction if he flip-flopped like this and said, “It was true at the time!” Brian Stelter’s voice would get so high that only dogs could hear it.

2

No, I still haven’t seen Black Widow. The whole thing seemed pointless even before Scarlett went HAM, and the hack frauds I consult for all my moviegoing choices hated it. Nothing Marvel has done since Tony Stark snapped his fingers has been very satisfying, and I don’t care about a prequel starring a secondary character who’s already been killed off. Come on, where’s Spidey?

I know I’m a sexist for not seeing this movie, but keep in mind that I’m also refusing to pay Disney for ripping off the star of their only female-led film other than Captain Marvel. Isn’t that feminist? Doesn’t that make me the real superhero?

3

I’ve got my own Disney horror story, on a much smaller scale than this one, from long, long ago when I edited video game guides. I worked on a guide for a Gargoyles game, and trying to deal with the Disney corporation was… oof. I might tell you the story sometime, but I’m too tired right now.