The Apple Vision Pro Seems Like a Bad Idea

And I kinda want one

When the iPad came out, I was skeptical.

“What, so it’s just an extra-large iPhone? Why would I need that?” Then I tried it, and I saw the things I could do with it that I couldn’t do on a smartphone, and it clicked. I understood.

I’m reminded of that experience this week, as I read and watch as much as I can about the Apple Vision Pro. The more I learn about this device, the more amazed I am. But not without a looming sense of dread as well.

Here’s how Apple wants you to think about their new product:

And if all that seems too good to be true? Well, here’s what people are actually doing with it:

It would’ve been funnier if he stopped in the middle of the stairs with a whole bunch of people behind him. I’m just glad he didn’t get shot.

Apparently Apple specifically instructs users not to do things like, oh, run around in city traffic while immersed in cyberspace. But of course, nobody ever reads the instructions.

At least one genius has been pulled over while driving his Tesla on autopilot with these goggles on. I’m sure we’ll see more stories about people doing even dumber stuff while enjoying their “spatial computing.” (That’s what Apple wants you to call it. Not “VR” or “augmented reality,” but “spatial computing.” Whatever that means.)

Here’s a more down-to-earth review, with a good weighing of the pros and cons. It’s kinda long, but this kid tells you pretty much everything you need to know:

Yeah, it all seems impressive, if way too pricey.

And bulky. One and a half pounds might not sound heavy, but consider that it’ll be hanging off your face for hours at a time.

But if this catches on, subsequent models will get smaller and lighter. Like the Amazon Kindle, which started out in 2007 as a bulky button-covered brick that you couldn’t read in the dark. Within a decade, it was slimmed down to a sleek little backlit touchscreen gadget.

Even just watching these YouTube videos, it gives me a mild headache. That much sensory input being pumped directly into your eyeballs from an inch away… Yikes!

My main concern is privacy. You think things are bad now, with people running around everywhere livestreaming on their phones? This RoboCop-lookin’ contraption is constantly recording every single second a person is wearing it. If you see somebody in public wearing one, smile, ‘cause you’re on Candid Camera.

And it’s also surveilling the user constantly. The whole time you’re wearing this thing, it’s tracking your eye movements. That’s how you navigate around your little cyberspace bubble. Your eyes are your cursor.

Which is amazing, but…

As it is, everything you do online is being tracked, and you don’t know who gets that personal data or what they’re doing with it. Corporations, governments, hackers.

Now they’ll be tracking your eye movements?

Do you really want a company like Netflix to collect data not only on which movies and shows are played on your device, but second-by-second feedback on what you’re looking at while it’s playing?

My eyes, my choice!

It also monitors your body movements to enable you to navigate around. That’s just more personal data that could be used in ways you might not like.

Call me paranoid, but it seems pretty dystopian to me. Imagine how a repressive government could use this tech to fine-tune their propaganda. “That serf isn’t paying attention to what he’s supposed to be. Make the message blunter. And have him imprisoned!”

Imagine what sorts of shenanigans all these corporations and hackers could do with that much detailed information about the literal viewing habits of millions of people. It doesn’t lead in the direction of more free speech, that’s for sure.

And what about the effects of this device on everyday life? Imagine everybody walking down the street, constantly dopamine-farming instead of watching where they’re going.

You think the supermarket checkout line is annoying now? Just wait.

I dunno, man. I feel like smartphones have already driven us all at least half-crazy, and this next step may tip society over the brink.

But then, I said the same thing about the horseless carriage.

For all my qualms, I still want to try it out for myself. Call it FOMO, I guess. Maybe once the price drops below that of a decent used car.

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I was saddened to learn of the death of Mojo Nixon (AKA Neill Kirby McMillan Jr.) this week. He was only 66.

Mojo was sort of a rockabilly Weird Al. There was a time when MTV played this video 10 times a day:

And then… that was about it. Mojo kept working, but that was the height of his fame. I think he was just too damn crazy to ever really catch on. Weird Al was like your funny uncle, whereas Mojo was more like that guy in the park collecting bottles and yelling at squirrels. Weirdly fascinating to watch, but you don’t want to make eye contact.

People seemed to either love or hate him. I was definitely in the former category.

There was a documentary about him last year, and now I want to watch it:

Mojo Nixon, R.I.P. I’ll bet he’s bending Elvis’ ear right now. Wherever they are…

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Yes, Joe Biden just got up in front of the whole world and proved that he has lost what little was left of his mind.

And now all the journos and other Democrats are like:

So now, the Republicans have got it made. All they need to do is nominate somebody who’s a lot younger and sharper.

D’oh!

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