DeSantis Threatens to Throw Fauci Across the Potomac

Is Fauci really an elf, or more of a pixie?

Look out, America. Our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters are aghast that a politician they hate is engaging in — gasp! — hyperbole.

Be warned: What you’re about to hear is toxic rhetoric and verbal violence and other bad things.

Citizen Free Press @CitizenFreePres

DeSantis has seen enough of Dr. Fauci: "Someone needs to grab that little elf and chuck him across the Potomac!"

This is clearly a death threat! Ron DeSantis is literally going to grab “that little elf” — meaning St. Anthony of Brooklyn — and throw him across the Potomac River.

Keep in mind, the Potomac has an average width of 1,300 feet, or about a quarter of a mile. And Fauci weighs… what should we say, a buck-fifty? He stays in shape, so let’s call it 140 pounds. Not quite man-sized, but still a hefty projectile.

So either DeSantis has Superman-level strength, or he plans to launch Fauci out of a giant trebuchet or perhaps a pneumatic cannon. Maybe the Mythbusters could determine the best method of conveying Fauci across that body of water. Regardless, the landing would be fatal for the poor lil’ fella.

And the smart set is very, very concerned:

David French @DavidAFrench

I’m not sure which is worse, the malicious juvenile insult or the wild cheering in response.

The Recount @therecount

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) escalates his ridiculous attacks on Dr. Fauci: "Someone needs to grab that little elf and chuck him across the Potomac." https://t.co/H7lf6OSkj6

Cheering? At a political rally? Good heavens, I do declare! [SNAPS OPEN FOLDING FAN, FLUTTERS IT IN FRONT OF FACE]

Mr. French’s friends tried to talk him down, but he wasn’t having it:

Charles C. W. Cooke @charlescwcooke

But what DeSantis says here is correct. https://t.co/QT5RXPovuu

David French @DavidAFrench

I’m not sure which is worse, the malicious juvenile insult or the wild cheering in response. https://t.co/m14pe35A1T

David French @DavidAFrench

@charlescwcooke I’m not so sure Charlie. 1) Kids were harmed by excessive school closings. But permanently? We don’t know yet. 2) Lockdown orders were overwhelmingly matters of state law. They weren’t “Fauci’s.” 3) States varied wildly in their responses, so Fauci clearly wasn’t in control.

Fauci is now an innocent victim of the Trumpian right, and French is duty-bound to defend him. He wouldn’t want anyone to think he’s in league with #BadOrangeMan, would he?

Just because Fauci went in front of every TV camera in the continental United States and lied to us about the coronavirus and advised the lockdowns that have hurt so many people, that’s no reason to joke about hurling America’s favorite midget across the river that separates Washington, DC from all us peasants. Ron DeSantis is a blasphemer, and we must arrest him immediately and charge him with treason.

Don’t ouchie my Fauci!¹