Has the Secret Service Gone Insane?

The elite of the elite? LOL!

Remember when the Secret Service was the elite of the elite? It was the one government agency everybody could agree on. Those brave men and women put their bodies on the line to protect the president, and therefore the stability of the free world.¹

But somewhere along the way, the agency seems to have lowered its standards a bit.

Brie Stimson, Fox News:

A U.S. Secret Service agent with Vice President Kamala Harris’ detail was removed from their assignment after engaging in a physical fight with other agents while on duty Monday…

Anthony Guglielmi, chief of communications for the U.S. Secret Service, called the incident a “medical matter,” adding that the agency wouldn’t be commenting further. 

A medical matter… that caused a physical fight between Secret Service agents? Wait, what?

All we were told at first was that the agent was acting “erratically.” But thanks to Susan Crabtree at Real Clear Politics, now we know some specifics:

[Secret Service agent Michelle] Herczeg showed up at the [Joint Base Andrews] terminal and began acting erratically, grabbing another senior agent’s personal phone and deleting applications on it, according to two sources familiar with the matter. The other agent, a shift leader, was able to recover his phone and then acted as if nothing had happened.

But Herczeg’s bizarre behavior didn’t stop. She then began mumbling to herself, hid behind curtains, and started throwing items, including menstrual pads, at an agent, telling him that he would need them later to save another agent and telling her peers that they were “going to burn in hell and needed to listen to God,” a source told RealClearPolitics.

Okay, whaaaaaat the hell? Why is a Secret Service agent behaving like this?

And how did somebody like this even make the cut? I was under the impression their physical and mental fitness screening was second to none.

Everybody’s fixated on the “throwing menstrual pads” part, which is admittedly funny. But the weirdest thing to me is the first thing she did. And the reaction of the fellow agent she did it to.

Okay, so she grabbed a colleague’s phone, at work, and started deleting apps from it.

Who does that? Was she drunk? Having some sort of psychotic fit? Got some bad acid?

But this next part really tells the tale, I think: After she started messing with his phone like a total nut, he just pretended it never happened.

Here’s my theory: That other agent knew there was no upside to confronting this woman. It probably wasn’t the first time she had done something like this. And he knew he was better off keeping his mouth shut.

Why? DEI, that’s why.

This woman was a diversity hire. They knew about her psychological problems, and they let her into the Secret Service anyway.

They had a quota to fill, and they knew what would happen to them if they didn’t.

The elite of the elite? LOL!

Look, man, if you want to let the president of the United States get assassinated because you were scared of being blackballed as a bigot, be my guest.

But you can’t make us turn a blind eye. We see you.

P.S. Okay, I was right: Herczeg used to be a cop in Dallas, and in 2016 she sued the department for $1 million over “gender bias.” And then she blackmailed her way into the Secret Service.

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I am not a big fan of 2024 so far, but things are looking up:

That may or may not be a joke. Apparently The Onion was just sold to Ben Collins from MSNBC, so this seems more plausible than it would’ve been a week ago. It’s not funny either way, of course, because it’s The Onion after 2001. But let’s say it’s real.

So… all I need to do is nothing, and they’ll shut up for good?

Whew! Done.

Finally.

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I harw typong om glaas>

If you got that joke, you know where I’m coming from. I like the convenience of texting, but it takes me forever because the iPhone virtual keyboard is too small. Plus, there’s no way to know which “key” you’re “pressing” until you inevitably tap the wrong one.

Who had the bright idea to make people type on featureless glass with their thumbs? It’s just a cold, flat surface. No tactile feedback. I wish there was a better way.

Back in the Cretaceous Era, I learned to type on an electric typewriter. There are people still walking the earth who’ve used manual typewriters. Old people like the feel of keys under our fingers. Each key a distinct entity, not just a flat pane of glass. You press it down, it comes back up. Just as nature intended.

I was never a Blackberry guy, but I’ve always wished there was a full-sized smartphone with buttons. It wouldn’t be as easy to use as a full-sized keyboard, but it would be easier.

Well, guess what I just found?

That looked like just what I needed. So I went to clicks.tech and ordered it. And after using it for a couple of days, I was absolutely right.

I’m not a tech reviewer, merely a guy with digits and digital equipment, so I’ll just run down what it’s like to use this clever little device.

Although maybe “little” isn’t the word. As you can see, Clicks adds an inch or two to the iPhone 14 Pro’s length. Does bigger mean better? (Write your own filthy joke here, you disgusting pervert.)

I don’t mind the extra length. The top of my phone sticks out a little more when I carry it in a shirt pocket, but it’s been years since I stopped worrying about looking like a dork. It might be a problem if you keep your phone in a purse, I guess?

To me, the added functionality is well worth it. This keyboard is nice.

It has home keys! I can tell where everything is on the keyboard by feel, even in the dark. And even if I couldn’t, it has an adjustable backlight anyway.

The keys are snappy and responsive. It just feels right to type on it. And yes, Clicks does make a slight but audible click with each keypress. But it’s not like that awful clacking sound effect on a virtual keyboard, which is always the first thing I turn off.

Clicks makes little clicking sounds because the keys are actually going up and down with each press. To me, that’s incredibly satisfying.

The layout is standard QWERTY, but there are only 36 keys total. That’s a lot fewer than a laptop keyboard. To save all that space, they had to double up on the function of each key, using a special key in the lower-left corner labeled 123.

For example, to type a comma, you press 123 + N. A period is 123 + M. (Parentheses are 123 + G and 123 + H, respectively.) And so on. It sounds a lot more complicated than it is, but it’s definitely an adjustment.

If you need a key that isn’t on the physical keyboard, you can still pull up the virtual keyboard at any time by pressing another special key labeled %+=.

It might sound laborious, but it’s actually a lot more intuitive than I’m making it sound. I’ve only had this thing for two days and I’m already putting it to work.

And here’s the proof: I typed this entire review on my new Clicks. I wrote this whole thing on my gosh-dang phone. Without a virtual keyboard taking up half the screen. And without hurling my phone at the wall in frustration.

Now for the two biggest drawbacks: price and availability. Clicks costs $139 plus shipping, and right now it’s completely sold out. You need to reserve one. I ordered mine over two weeks ago and only got it about 36 hours ago.

I’ve got two jobs, and they both require me to be online all the time and type quickly, so finally having a phone with a decent keyboard is worth it. Your mileage may vary.

But if you do a lot of typing and you’re tired of dpimg it om a viryusl keubiard — er, doing it on a virtual keyboard — Clicks might be for you.

And no, I didn’t get the yellow version. I understand that they want their product to stand out, but I don’t. So I got the boring gray one.

They didn’t pay me to say any of this, by the way. It’s my genuine opinion, good and bad. This thing won’t be for everybody, but the people who dig it will really dig it.

Much like this blog!

Now I just need to find some shirts with deeper pockets…

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TGIF (Tentatively, Gertrude Ingested Flan), and thanks for reading!

1. Sure, they didn’t really do much for JFK, but at least Clint Eastwood felt bad about it.