Happy Friday the 13th to Those Who Celebrate
You're entitled to your religious beliefs
It’s Friday the 13th. And you know what that means:
Nothing!
It’s another day on the calendar, that’s all. Anything bad that happens today would’ve happened anyway, even if it were the 12th or the 14th or any other date. Your fear of this calendar date (paraskevidekatriaphobia) is just confirmation bias. It’s all in your head.
Besides, it’s 2021. How would you even know if one particular day was any worse than the rest?
And no, I will not be leaving the house today.
I don’t claim to be an expert on Afghanistan. I don’t know the right thing to do there. I really have no idea.
Which makes me every bit as qualified as the president of the United States.
What a difference one (1) month makes.
Biden was a liar even when he had all his marbles. Now he barely seems to know what planet he’s on. I don’t imagine he remembers saying that, or anything else.
But Biden won, whether you or I like it or not. Kudos to Dan Crenshaw for speaking the truth about that, even when people really don’t want to hear it. Sometimes those people are Democrats, and sometimes they’re even worse:
Trump lost. Getting angry about it doesn’t change the reality of it. Facts don’t care about your feelings, snowflake.
In yesterday’s subscribers-only post — subscribe now if you want to read it! — I vented about Arnold Schwarzenegger sitting in his mansion and telling vaccinated people who don’t want to wear masks: “Screw your freedom.” It’s the most disappointing thing he’s said since he said yes to Terminator: Dark Fate.
But as it turns out, it was even worse than I thought. Pop quiz: What don’t you see in this picture?
That’s right: Masks. They’re not wearing masks.
What would I discuss with Arnold Schwarzenegger? Well, first I’d ask him how the coronavirus knows he’s famous. Is that what makes him immune? Because obviously he’s not as worried about it as he wants me to be. Then I’d tell him to put on the mask he wants me to wear, because screw his freedom.
What is it about Austrian politicians that makes them think they can push everybody else around?
Italians too:
Bada bing! Chris Cuomo dances about as well as he reports the news. He’s out there partying, no mask or anything, while the rest of us are supposed to stay home. Does he look like he thinks there’s a pandemic?
But then, where is that mook supposed to be? At home with a good book? LOL!
Fredo’s had a pretty tough week. First his big bro resigned over groping a bunch of women, and we all know Chris told him to lie about it. And now this. He’s incapable of shame and therefore immune to humiliation, but it’s still satisfying to watch his world crumble around him. Sometimes bad things happen to bad people.
Anybody who says conversion therapy doesn’t work needs to explain all these ex-Cuomosexuals.
🎶If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to… uh… have your papers ready, WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERS, SCHNELL, SCHNELL🎶
Alexa, find me a city where the sidewalks are covered in human feces and I need a license to walk into a restaurant.
There’s a lot of that going around these days. Book ‘em, Dave-o!
Is this Jim Crow, or…?
I really need somebody to explain to me how it’s a violation of our founding principles to ask somebody for ID to vote, but I can be arrested just for setting foot in another state of my own country with the wrong papers. COVID panic is driving everybody insane.
By the way, COVID-19 came from a lab leak and now even the World Health Organization thinks so.
The Chinese Communist Party’s propaganda effort is failing. They did this. Not Trump, not DeSantis, not whichever Republican boogeyman is the next target of our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters in the press. It was China. #ChuckFina
Once again: I’m fully vaccinated. Leave me alone, and I’ll leave you alone.
As Kyle Smith at NRO puts it:
“How do so many protected people manage to keep their rage hormones flowing at others who aren’t protected?”
If you’re vaccinated, what are you worried about? You’re not responsible for the risks other people are taking. You can’t control them. You can’t live their lives for them. Calm down.
Calm. Down.
The border is still a mess, by the way.
The problem isn’t going away just because the Biden administration and their press enablers are ignoring it. It’s much worse now than it was when AOC was crying in front of a chain-link fence, but it no longer serves her politically. So these people don’t matter to her.
Like a great man once said: Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.
I don’t pay much attention to Ryan Murphy anymore, but this looks like it’ll be the funniest show of the year!
Carmella Clinton is gonna be [fire emoji].
It’s an interesting choice to hire Clive Owen to play Bill Clinton and then put him under 10 pounds of prosthetics that make him look nothing like Bill Clinton.
He looks like W.C. Fields with a dead squirrel on his head.
Monica Lewinsky is one of the producers of this show, so I can only assume Bill & Hillary will hate every minute of it. It’s also pretty funny that every single person involved in the making of this show wanted Bill to be the first First Gentleman, and now they’re showing us what a scumbag he really is. Doublethink is your best entertainment value!
Gina Carano and the Daily Wire are teaming up to make a movie.
I’ve been a Carano fan since Haywire. I don’t know how you can watch her kick Michael Fassbender’s ass all over the place without feeling something. Yeah, sure, her voice was dubbed over by Laura San Giacomo. But so what? She’s still great in it. And she was a lot of fun on The Mandalorian, until Disney fired her for expressing the wrong political opinions in the United States of America.
Heads-up, though: This new movie was written by Eric Red (Near Dark, The Hitcher), who has a chequered past to say the least. Back in 2000, he drove his car into a pool hall and killed two people, and then he took a piece of broken glass and tried to kill himself by cutting his own throat. He was never charged with a crime, though, and in this country you’re innocent until proven guilty. But I expect haters of Carano and/or Ben Shapiro to pretend to be outraged about that.
Best wishes to my pal Matt Labash, who got out of the hospital last night after a bout of ehrlichiosis. He’s one of the best writers in the business, and I hope he can get back to it soon. Check out his book, Fly Fishing with Darth Vader.
Thanks for reading. I’ve been doing this newsletter for a couple of months now, and I think it’s going pretty well. I’ll get the hang of this whole “writing” thing eventually.
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I don't know if America is losing interest in the whole Clinton regime, but I think there are enough stories there for a dozen movies. I mean, how many movie sequels could be made about the Shakespearian rise and fall of the House of Clinton. Think of the franchise opportunities! A summer blockbuster tentpole for at least a decade, at least. I mean now that the superhero phase is beginning to wane.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlk3-NtOFkk
Enjoying the newsletter, Jim. First (and currently only) substack subscription. I feel a bit guilty about agreeing with nearly every sentiment in there, but the fact that a lot of the sentiments even need to be shared assuages that guilt by confirming I'm not going insane thinking similar thoughts... or at least will have some company in the asylum. Keep up the good work.