Fetterman Flack Explains: He's Fine As Long As You Don't Talk to Him

Words bad

You finally did it, Pennsylvania. We all joke about our senators being brain-damaged automatons, but you went ahead and actually elected one.

Yesterday the creature-elect lumbered through the halls of Congress, where he — or his replacement — will soon work. Here he is lurching through the congressional subway system:

bryan metzger @metzgov

Senator-elect @JohnFetterman, who is extremely tall

Journalists are hired for their keen powers of perception. Yes, John Fetterman is indeed very tall. He also had a massive stroke, so he’s incapable of communicating via speech and he needs his wife to lead him around.¹

Here’s another journo, doing journo things:

Igor Bobic @igorbobic

Spotted in Senate basement: John Fetterman He didn’t answer when I asked if he’ll be able to wear his hoodie on Senate floor.

Ha ha ha, get it? Because Fetterman is always wearing a hoodie. He probably didn’t answer for some reason other than his debilitating stroke.

Here’s a Fetterman flack trying to explain away his obvious incapacity for office:

Rebecca Katz @RebeccaKKatz

Two things we need to get out of the way: 1) John Fetterman has a suit and will wear it to the Capitol. 2) He is still recovering from a stroke and has lingering auditory processing challenges. The way Hill reporters are used to yelling questions at Senators will not work here.

Igor Bobic @igorbobic

Spotted in Senate basement: John Fetterman He didn’t answer when I asked if he’ll be able to wear his hoodie on Senate floor. https://t.co/MwOQXUAZV5

No, he doesn’t have auditory processing challenges. He can’t understand what people are saying to him.

Which isn’t stopping the journos from bending over backwards to accommodate him:

Shira Stein @shiramstein

@RebeccaKKatz Would it be helpful to have qs written down and allow him to read? Or is he not going to take hallway qs while he recovers?

Yeah, why don’t you just hold up a sign? Here’s one: