It’s tough to count all the things Anthony Fauci has done for us over the last two years — Yes, it’s only been two, not 20 — because it’s impossible to count up to zero. That gets us into negative numbers, like the number of times Amy Schumer has made me laugh.
What I’m saying is Fauci has done nothing for us. He stinks. He’s been on every side of every issue concerning the pandemic, because he’s a politician and not a doctor.
So when he tells America he’s finally going to shut up and leave us alone, I assume he’s just saying what he thinks he needs to say at the moment he’s saying it:
Dr. Anthony Fauci on Sunday appeared to throw in the towel on more government restrictions over COVID-19 — insisting it’s now up to Americans to make their own medical risk assessments.
“This is not going to be eradicated, and it’s not going to be eliminated,” Fauci told ABC’s “This Week.” “And what’s going to happen is that we’re going to see that each individual is going to have to make their calculation of the amount of risk that they want to take.”
Oh, now we get to do that, huh? Better 25 months late than never!
The pandemic is done. Half of Washington tested positive for COVID-19 last week, and nobody cares. Yes, some people are going to get a virus and die. No, that’s nothing new. People need to get back to their miserable lives already.
It’s over. Go Fauci yourself.
War is hell.
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
I guess Putin actually agrees because he doesn’t think Ukraine is a country
You know what, never mind, this was a bad idea
This is the second-worst “Imagine” cover ever, after the one with Wonder Woman and Will Ferrell. At least it’s for a good—
Wait. Is that Nuno Bettencourt? Yeah, it is! Okay, gotta admit, that’s pretty cool. He’s one of the greatest rock guitarists ever. Too bad most people only know him from “More Than Words,” because he can really shred:
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K!
Last week Elon Musk spent billions of dollars on Twitter stock, after saying a bunch of stuff about how Twitter needs to change. Then Twitter announced Musk was joining their board. But now:
I have no idea what any of this means, but Elon is definitely taking it seriously:
When you’re that loaded, it doesn’t matter if anybody else thinks you’re funny. Is it racist to say he’s basically an autistic Tony Stark?
I’ve never been a big fan of SUVs, even before I got hit by one while I was crossing the street. But this sort of thing seems unwise:
“This is a gentle escalation of methods to drive the urgency of this climate crisis home and engender a systemic aversion to SUVs.” Well, no, it’s vandalism. You can rationalize it however you want, but you’re encouraging lefty idiots to vandalize other people’s property.
Crap like this doesn’t change anybody’s minds. Just like blocking traffic to “raise awareness” about global warming only pisses off commuters who are trying to get to work. Burning down the local Arby’s because somebody got shot by the police doesn’t convince anybody to defund the police. These sorts of instructions are for spoiled children who want to believe they’re making a difference in the world, but they’re just ruining a random stranger’s day.
Here’s what the owner of this SUV will say:
“What the hell? Some asshole gave me a flat! Wait, what does this leaflet say… This is about climate change?!? F*** that $#!+, I’m gonna buy an even bigger one with even worse gas mileage. Screw you, hippies!”
Good luck with the “gentle escalation of methods,” kids. Just don’t get caught, or the next escalation won’t be so gentle.
Mike Baron has been writing comics and novels and other stuff for decades, and there’s nobody out there quite like him. Now he’s got a great Substack. I really liked his latest post, “Who Can Write That.” Here’s how it starts:
“Should Shakespeare have been allowed to write Othello? Should Alexander Dumas have been allowed to write The Three Musketeers? Should William Styron have been allowed to write Sophie’s Choice and The Confessions of Nat Turner?”
The answer may surprise you, if you’re a dumb lib.
These days, a lot of people seem to believe that white people should only write about white people, black people should only write about black people, etc. That’s not only anti-art, it’s incredibly racist. As Baron notes, this sort of self-censorship is no different than the Comics Code Authority, the Hays Code, or any other group of self-appointed censors you want to name. It used to be right-wingers who tried to stop people from making the wrong kind of art, but now it’s the left’s turn. It’s just so tedious.
I thought racial segregation had ended in my lifetime. Now it’s back in a big way. Voluntarily!
The next time you see some woke idiot doing the Wakanda salute, remind him, her, and/or they that the Black Panther and the country he rules were created by these two:
Whiter than the Joker drinking a glass of whole milk while half-buried in a snowbank.
Good stories are good stories, no matter your level of melanin. Imagination can’t be segregated, and it’s insane to try. Worse than insane. It’s evil. Racism is evil.
Sam Elliott apologized, dagnabbit. That ornery ol’ cuss shoulda stuck to his guns.
It looks like a couple of my newsletters last week got sent out twice. But it wasn’t my fault! Like the great Juan Epstein, I got a note:
But it wasn’t a problem, right? Too much of me is better than not enough, right?
Monday again. Alrighty then…
Sorry about the scattershot nature of today’s newsletter. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. Here, help yourself to this bewildering array of buttons.
Who the Heck Is Jim Treacher? is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
I do not doubt that this was the most significant response Julian Lennon could muster. The real question, however, is: how does this affect Taylor Lorenz?
I learned about three months into the pandemic that this was political, after they told everyone that crowds were bad for things like mask protests, school shutdowns and business closures, but that it was perfectly fine if you wanted to protest the police following George Floyd. Also, your rewriting of the Imagine song was genius... "I guess Putin actually agrees because he doesn’t think Ukraine is a country. You know what, never mind, this was a bad idea..."