Remember when the Democrats told us illegal immigration was good? “This is a sanctuary city” and “People aren’t illegal” and all that? Remember how they called you a racist for caring about what’s happening on our southern border? You’ll never guess what happened when they got a taste of their own medicine.
At first, DC Mayor Muriel Bowser was like:
“We must send a message loud and clear to the President and Congress that we are not a country of fear and cruelty...”
That was then. This is now:
Troops? Soldiers? Armories? To deal with undocumented immigrants? How racist. This was a round world the last time I checked. A border is just a line on a map.
PEOPLE ARE NOT ILLEGAL!!!
Bowser’s message: “Of course we want you here. We just don’t want you here.”
There’s a lot of that going around these days:
So much for “Give me your tired, your poor,” etc.
But look on the bright side, DC residents:
Oh, Joe Biden is doing just fine. Why do you ask?
They keep propping him in front of the camera and juicing him up to keep him awake enough to read his lines:
But they don’t want him answering questions. Especially about the recession we’re clearly in, no matter how he denies it:
Why throw a rope to a drowning man when you can just explain that it isn’t really water?
What you’re about to see is homophobic because it’s both accurate and funny:
After Americans just spent two years being mask-shamed and vaccine-shamed and scolded about every public sneeze and cough, after moms were branded grandma-killers for wanting to take their kids to the zoo, we’re supposed to care about some gay guys’ feelings because anal sex is spreading a horrifying plague?
Go pox yourself!
Last month, Nicholas Roske plotted to kill Brett Kavanaugh because of a Supreme Court decision that hadn’t happened yet. Roske had further ambitions:
And the journos don’t really care, because they’ve decided Kavanaugh is their enemy. If they’re willing to accuse him of rape with no evidence whatsoever, why would they care if somebody murders him?
Here’s some more stuff to read:
Freddie deBoer on why Gawker still sucks
Collin Anderson at the Washington Free Beacon on why Stacey Abrams still sucks
Sasha Warren at Scientific American on why you shouldn’t eat so much protein because it’s bad for the planet or something
Every generation must have its own crappy, embarrassing made-for-TV biopic about Marilyn Monroe.
Back in the ‘90s there was HBO’s Norma Jean & Marilyn, with Ashley Judd playing Monroe before she was a star and Mira Sorvino after. They both got nekkid, but otherwise it was not very good.
And now we have this:
Once again, a furr’ner comes over here and takes one of our jerbs.
I don’t really care because I don’t have Netflix anyway (no service that carries Cuties will get a dime of my money), but this is just cringeworthy. Ana de Armas has been good in everything I’ve seen her in, from the thankless role of a naked hologram in Blade Runner 2049 to kicking ass in Whatever That Last Bond Film Was Called. She’s gorgeous, she can act, and her resemblance to Monroe here is uncanny. But she just can’t seem to shake her Cuban accent.
Not for lack of trying. As de Armas told The Sunday Times last year:
“I tried! It only took me nine months of dialect coaching, and practicing, and some ADR sessions. It was a big torture, so exhausting. My brain was fried.”
I admire the effort, but it didn’t work. She doesn’t sound like Marilyn Monroe. She doesn’t even sound like someone impersonating Marilyn Monroe. She sounds like a Cuban lady with a sore throat.
Which is racist, apparently. All the wokes are screaming, “Who cares what she sounds like?” I wouldn’t care, except she’s supposed to be playing Marilyn Monroe. Everybody knows what Monroe sounded like, and she didn’t have a Cuban accent. Or British, or Australian, or French, or Tanzanian, or Russian, or any other foreign accent. She was born and raised in Los Angeles, and she sounded like it. If you’re portraying her and you talk in a way she never talked, it destroys the illusion. You have failed.
Hank Azaria can’t play Apu on The Simpsons anymore, and he was forced to grovel for forgiveness because he was so funny for 30 years. That role was racist, because Azaria is white. But this role isn’t racist, because de Armas is Cuban.
Idris Alba can portray a Norse god, but a white actor isn’t going to pass the audition to play a Wakandan.
Can you imagine an Anglo actor playing a dead Cuban celebrity in 2022? When Aaron Sorkin needed somebody to play Desi Arnaz, who did he pick? A Spanish guy who was at least a decade too old for the role. (Sorry, friend-o.) If an age-appropriate white American actor had played Arnaz, everybody would’ve screamed racism. Yet somehow it’s racist to notice that de Armas can’t do an American accent, no matter how hard she tries.
Couldn’t they hire a Monroe impersonator to dub in her voice? Couldn’t they run it through some sort of fancy computerized deepfake de-accentizer or something? Why am I always the one who needs to think of these things? Why won’t anyone listen to meeeeee??
Have a great Friday. And please subscribe, if you haven’t yet. It’s only $5/month or $50/year.
Who the Heck Is Jim Treacher? is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
If you’ve already subscribed, 1) Thank you, and 2) Please click one or more of these other buttons.
On Immigration, I checked: Schadenfreude is spelled the same in Spanish. Catching Bowser in her hypocrisy is wonderful. Biden isn't doing nearly enough on The Wall. "At least AOC won't have to commute," is priceless.
I truly wish someone would tell us just how often Biden is given meds. Daily? Twice a day? Special suppositories if he speaks after 5:00? My God, what a wretched Presidency.
I like the "more stuff to read" links. If it catches your attention, it's worth a look. And a properly snarky comment.