Biden Talks, Fetterman Walks
At least one of 'em knows when to shut up
A funny thing happened when Joe Biden went to Pennsylvania to campaign for a Senate candidate: The candidate didn’t want to talk about it. Or anything else!
It’s tough to know where to start with this one, so let’s warm up with a few of Joe’s increasingly frequent gaffes:
Yeah, Joe, it’s probably one of those. Just keep blurting out numbers and you’ll stumble over the right one eventually.
(Here’s something I hadn’t noticed until somebody pointed it out: Once again, Joe is standing at a podium with microphones attached to it, but then he’s holding his own microphone. Do the other microphones not work? Or is his handheld mic just a shiny object they give him to occupy himself, like letting a baby play with your keys?)
Joe also gave the Fetterman campaign’s game away:
Yes, by now it’s pretty obvious that Gisele Fetterman is the de facto candidate. But you’re not supposed to say it out loud yet, Joe. The puppet candidate needs to win first!
And then, of course, Joe had no idea where he was supposed to go once he was done yammering. He just shuffled around like the lost old man he is:
A leader who needs to be led.
And what was Fetterman doing while all this was going on? Not much. He was there to greet the president:
But he didn’t make any remarks. He didn’t even talk to reporters:
Please respect John Fetterman’s privacy at this presidential speech to promote his Senate campaign.
Then it got really good. This is the best clip of them all:
Dear reader, I have watched that clip about 50 times, trying to transcribe whatever the hell the president of the United States just said. I’m getting “16” and “20,” but the rest isn’t made up of words. It’s complete gibberish. He might as well wiggle his index finger between his lips and make motorboat sounds.
Say what you want about Fetterman, but at least he has the good sense to flee the cameras. Unlike Joe, he’s not under the illusion that he can still understand and speak English.
As for the actual candidate? She seemed to be having a fine old time:
Ha ha. Great!
You’re in good hands, Pennsylvania. This is what you wanted, and this is what you’re getting.
Apparently something is going on in Britain? Oh well, I’m sure they’ll figure it out. Or not. Does it really matter either way?
Forget all that stuff I just said about Joe Biden being a confused old man. He’s actually a super-cool memelord, and he’s got candy for everybody. And by “candy,” I mean taxpayer dollars he’s using to buy votes:
Who needs science fiction? We live in a freaking dystopia already.
But if you’re still in the mood for some good ol’ sci-fi…
Streaming pick: The Peripheral on Prime Video.
This is the first screen adaptation of a William Gibson story since the ‘90s, and it feels like his revenge on the Wachowski Siblings for ripping him off. Except instead of people in the far future “jacking into” a virtual version of the present day, this story has people in 2032 America playing what they think is a new VR game, but is actually some form of time travel to 2099 London.
I think? It’s pretty confusing.
The pilot was written by Scott Smith, who wrote the amazing novels A Simple Plan (which was turned into a good movie) and The Ruins (which was not). And it was directed by Vincenzo Natali, who wrote and directed Cube, and who gave up trying to get a Neuromancer movie off the ground years ago.
This show might be the closest we ever get to an adaptation of that novel from almost 40 years ago. It’s basically the same story — paranoia, virtual reality, transhumanism, shadowy mega-corporations, brutal ultraviolence — with an updated veneer. It’s a bit muddled, and some of the actors seem unsure what sort of show they’re making, but it’s worth watching if you’re a sucker for cyberpunk like I am.
Which you’re probably not?
TGIF (Tori Garnered Ingrid’s Fury), and thanks for reading.
Everything went fine at the doctor’s office yesterday, but I did get a flu shot and now it’s time for the side effects. Ugh. Not fun. You should make me feel better by subscribing right now! It’s only $5/month or $50/year, and you’ll get this AD-FREE newsletter in your mailbox every day at noon.
Well I just re-upped for another tour of duty with Treacher. Looking forward to it.
Sorry, that sci-fi show was made by the same idiots that took a giant, steaming turd and called it "Westworld." But, I'm sure The Peripheral won't completely crap the bed after season one...
Man, that "Dark Brandon" tweet was, uhhh... painful. Is that the best they can do?
Joe is holding the microphone so that his minders can turn it off if he starts to freestyle about Granpa being an All-American or how Hunter is so damn smart or how he just filled up his depends...