AOC Knows You Want Her
Just admit it
Hey, welcome back! Can you believe it’s 2022? Just saying it out loud and knowing it’s actually the current year… it’s like something out of science fiction.
How were your holidays? That’s good to hear. Mine? Ehhh, my holidays weren’t that great, but it’s a long story.1 Let’s just say I’m glad to leave 2021 behind.
Now, I tend to take the same view as the loathsome Neil deGrasse Tyson: The way humans measure time doesn’t really mean anything in the long run. Nothing magically changes when you flip the date on the calendar. It’s still the same world. You’re still the same person.
Nonetheless, I try to look at each new year as a new chance. It almost never is, but who knows? Maybe this year will be different. The unexpected can happen at any moment, which is why it’s called that. Most surprises are bad, but sometimes they’re good. Right? At least that’s what I’m told.
Okay then. Let’s see who’s being an idiot again…
Hey, look who’s being an idiot again!
That’s right, the only reason anybody ever criticizes or disagrees with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is because she’s so hot. What other reason could there be? It’s not as if she’s ever wrong about anything. That’s literally impossible.
Let me try to break this down for AOC and her equally intelligent and honest fans:
The Dems keep screaming that Florida is a COVID-19 death trap, ignoring states like New York because they’re controlled by Democrats
A congresswoman from New York was spotted partying maskless in Florida
To borrow a phrase: Come on, man
But maybe AOC is right. Maybe the only reason anybody ever criticizes her is because they want to have sex with her. Of course, that would also mean she wants to have sex with everybody she criticizes. Like this guy:
If AOC is mad she can’t date him, she can just say that instead of projecting her sexual frustrations onto him. That’s how this works, according to her.
On that same busy New Year’s Eve of 2021, AOC also said this:
But now it turns out DeSantis has been with his wife while she undergoes cancer treatment. That would be embarrassing for AOC, if she were capable of shame.
Keep yakkin’, AOC. That’s what you’re good at!
So here’s something that will never happen to an elected Democrat like AOC:
I don’t particularly like Marjorie Taylor Greene, because she’s in Congress. Also, she says a lot of dumb stuff, even for a congresswoman. But she has the right to say dumb stuff, no matter my opinion or anybody else’s. The big brains at Twitter aren’t banning her for breaking their rules. They’re banning her because she’s their political opponent.
The same thing just happened to my friend Tom Elliott:
Is Rep. Andy Biggs (R-AZ) wrong? Could be. Is it wrong to quote a member of Congress about one of the biggest issues of our time? I thought that was just called journalism.
Elected officials say stupid $#!+ every minute of every hour of every day. Now I can’t even quote them or I’ll get suspended from social media?
I’ll have to make sure to only quote Democrats, then. They seem to be immune to all these rules.
Now let’s look at how things are going in Europe:
That’s a hell of a public health message: You can’t get sick if you’re eaten alive by angry dogs.
Don’t they have legal weed in Amsterdam? Why is everybody so angry?
Everybody’s freaking out about Omicron and I just don’t get it. How about you leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone? That’s been working pretty well for the last few hundred years.
T. Becket Adams just broke down the worst media moments of 2021. Well, okay, every media moment in 2021 was bad, but Adams looks at a few of them.
I’m not sure what’s going on over at the Babylon Bee, but over the last few days they’ve lost some key personnel:
I have no idea why this is happening and I’m not going to speculate. But I know some of those guys, and they’re really funny and talented, so this sucks. Unlike me, they’ve got a positive attitude about things, and I’m sure they’ll land on their feet. I’d just like to know why they got tossed out in the first place.
Scientists want to create robots that eat and poop. Are there any jobs left that won’t get stolen by robots?
I was mildly disappointed by the season finale of Yellowstone — That was it? Really? — but it was good to see Jim True-Frost, AKA Pryzbylewski from The Wire. True-Frost played a priest, who was at the Dutton ranch because… well, I won’t spoil it if you haven’t watched it yet. Suffice it to say that it’s a typical Yellowstone plot twist. It came out of nowhere, but not really. It didn’t seem crazy because the whole show is crazy.
Anyway, it was good to see Prez. The last time I saw him was on an episode of Fringe 12(!) years ago. According to his IMDb page, he’s been keeping busy guest-starring on a lot of shows I’ve heard of but never watched. Keep pluggin’ away, Mr. True-Frost! That’s all we can do.
I just got on GETTR, like everybody else these days. I’m not really sure what it even is, but people are getting banned from Twitter left and right, and I’m probably next. So GETTR will be my backup, until the libs find a way to shut that down too.
I’m @jimtreacher on GETTR, if you want to follow me. (@jtLOL is already reserved, apparently? Not sure how that works, but it wouldn’t let me sign up using my Twitter handle.)
Have a good Monday, and thanks for reading my first newsletter of 2022. If you enjoyed what you just read, which I assume you did or you wouldn’t have scrolled down here, please buy a subscription and help me pay my bills. $5/month or $50/year seems fair, considering all the value you’re getting for your money.
And I’ve got some new bills to pay. My furnace just broke down and I had to buy a new one. I can’t really live without a furnace, because this is winter in Indiana. It was insanely expensive, and I’ll be paying it off for the next five years. A new monthly bill I can’t avoid.
Also, I’m looking at some unexpected medical bills from this past month.2
I’m not looking to get rich, friend. All I want to do is pay my bills. I literally can’t survive the winter without your patronage. Please help me.
I’m dealing with some health stuff right now. Could be nothing, could be something. Once I know more, I promise I’ll tell you what’s going on.
Like I said, I’ll tell you once I know more. Knock on wood.
I’ve been railing against socialists and fascists for four decades or more. It must be because of the Playboy Issue “Hot Nazi Chicks You’ll Never Bang Because They Were Hanged at Nuremberg” I saw in 5th grade. Porn really does mess with your mind.
Re Amsterdam: if the police beat someone to death at one of these “unauthorized” protests, could the authorities accurately report the cause of death as “because of COVID?” I think they could.
Jim, I hope you are feeling better soon and have only a good war story to tell us.
Hope your health issue is a big nothing. Subscribing to fun and clever substack publications like yours is one of my few ongoing joys of 2021. It feels good to support people who deserve it - those who are making a positive difference in the world without succumbing to the knuckleheads and cancel culture. Wishing you a healthy and successful 2022!