Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
Paramount is reportedly set to buy the Free Press website and put founder Bari Weiss in charge of CBS News.
Of course, they’ll also need someone to empty the wastebaskets and sweep the floors.
The New School in Manhattan is offering a class called “How to Steal.”
Step 1: Start a university.
According to researchers, becoming more positive and optimistic as we age can actually be an early sign of dementia.
Gee, isn’t that nice?
It’s the end of an error: Congressman Jerry Nadler will not seek reelection next year.
In response, Carvel ice cream shops will lower their flags to half-mast.
According to Ilhan Omar’s latest financial disclosures, in the past year her net worth has skyrocketed to somewhere between $6-30 million.
Omar hasn’t commented yet, but is expected to address the issue in her upcoming book, How I Divorced My Brother.
Biologists in northern California are using flying drones blasting AC/DC songs to scare wolves away from cattle.
While it does work, they’ve received some complaints from the cows.
A German woman spent a weekend in jail for calling a convicted rapist a “pig,” after the rapist got no jail time at all.
It’s by far the worst injustice in German history.
A woman in New Zealand has broken the Guinness World Record for running across one hundred meters of LEGO blocks... barefoot.
Her feet are okay, but her husband still expects her to clean up the mess.