Week Sauce (9/2)

Weekend immune system

Kayla Lemieux, the Canadian shop teacher with the enormous prosthetic boobs, has just gotten another job at another school.
The school is warning students and parents about potential disruptions — like Lemieux getting stuck in the front door.
Parents are outraged that the problem has just moved from one school to another. They say administrators have only kicked the huge fake cans down the road.

Burger King and Taco Bell are both being sued for allegedly making false claims about their food. 
Such as calling it “food.”
Plumbers across America are cheering on the demand for larger portions, hoping even more fast food will mean even more broken toilets.

The National Archives has acknowledged over 5,000 documents that potentially show Joe Biden using a fake name when he was vice president.
Which doesn’t seem like Joe’s style. Usually, he puts his own name on other people’s work.

TikTok influencer Sofia Franklyn is speaking out against men and women splitting the check on a date.
Not because she’s cheap or hates feminism, but because she’s bad at math.

One in five women are now embracing their body hair and shaving less.
“I just feel so free,” said this woman.

Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, and John Oliver have started a podcast called Strike Force Five.
They couldn’t call it Five Guys, because that’s something Americans actually want.

The FBI is seeking more than a dozen Uzbek migrants who crossed the southern border with the help of a trafficker linked to ISIS.
President Biden has vowed to get to the bottom of this, as soon as he finds out where and what Uzbekistan is.
Look on the bright side: At least these illegal aliens are looking for jobs.

Adults are baffled by the new slang term “rizz,” which may or may not be short for “charisma.” It was popularized by YouTube “personality” Kai Cenat, who was recently charged with inciting a riot in Manhattan. 
Or as the kids say, “sigh-sigh a rye-rye.”

This week, the nation cheered a viral video of Nevada tribal police roughing up climate protesters.
You know your movement is desperate when you go out of your way to piss off people headed to Burning Man. Isn’t there a Phish concert they could disrupt?

A Turkish airline is now offering an adults-only section for an extra charge.
This is also great news for the kids, who will be much more comfortable in the cargo hold.

Elon Musk is blaming the Los Angeles private school Crossroads for turning his son Xavier into a transsexual communist named Vivian. 
It’s hardly the first time Elon has met resistance after slapping the letter “X” on something.

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