Week Sauce (8/9)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
Nancy Pelosi says she wants “gender-affirming care for our trans kids” from coast to coast.
That would really take a lot of balls.
Liberals are aghast that Sydney Sweeney is a registered Republican.
And if that’s not fascist enough, you can actually tell her pronouns just by looking at her.
According to insiders at CBS, Gayle King might be the next big name to exit the network.
Elon Musk is offering to send her back into space, if she agrees to stay there.
Stephen Colbert’s first gig after leaving The Late Show will be guest-starring on Elspeth, where he’ll play the host of a made-up late-night talk show.
Well, Colbert’s audience is already fictional.
During a Major League Soccer match in St. Louis, a fan was kicked out for wearing a MAGA hat.
Which makes sense. America will never be great again until we ban soccer.
Researchers say living near an ocean can help you live longer.
But if you go in, you’ll definitely get eaten by a shark.
The U.S. Agriculture Department is using audio of the huge screaming match between Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver in the movie Marriage Story to scare wolves away from cattle.
Yeah, but... those poor cows!
A Florida man who secretly married three women at the same time has been sentenced by a judge.
His punishment is two years’ probation, and he has to stay married to all of them.
The House Ethics Committee has rebuked AOC for listing her fiancé as both her husband and not her husband on federal documents.
In her defense, she’s incredibly stupid.
For the third time in the past week, a WNBA fan threw a dildo onto the court during a game.
In order to prevent further smuggling of the offending objects, stadiums will perform a full cavity search.