Week Sauce (8/31)

Weekend immune system

Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s news for whatever reason. Enjoy!

---

Kamala Harris claims to have worked at McDonald’s to put herself through college, but there’s no record of it.
Sounds more like a Whopper to me.

The Onion is returning to print media, after a decade of availability online only.
However, the paper it’s printed on will be a bit different.

The Surgeon General is warning that parenthood can be hazardous to your health.
Just ask the Menendez Brothers. Too soon?

Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador has announced he’s putting relations with the US and Canadian embassies “on pause” until he can add more words to his name.

Liam and Noel Gallagher are hinting at an Oasis reunion, 15 years after the band broke up.
At least I think that’s what they said?

The parents of Trump shooter Thomas Crooks have hired a top Pittsburgh law firm.
Meanwhile, legal experts are stunned that there’s such a thing as a “top Pittsburgh law firm.”

A rescued bald eagle in Missouri turned out not to be injured, but just too fat to fly.
Happily, the bird is now thriving in its new habitat.