Week Sauce (8/23)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
Researchers say brain-computer interfaces, used to help fully paralyzed people communicate via synthesized speech, can also eavesdrop on their thoughts.
Which are mostly: “I sure wish I could move.”
RFK Jr. squared off against Pete Hegseth in a race to do 50 pull-ups and 100 push-ups in five minutes.
It’s an impressive physical feat for the 71-year-old Kennedy, but you should’ve seen how long his Uncle Ted could hold his breath. What, too soon?
During a protest against a proposed mosque in northwest England, a man was arrested for saying he loves bacon.
It’s the first time in history that a cop has punished someone for celebrating pigs.
In Washington DC, protesters marched against President Trump’s takeover of the police force.
They’re angry about the treatment of the city’s most vulnerable criminals.
In Massachusetts, a paralyzed sheep named Kiki has learned how to drive a custom-made cart using only her head.
She’s currently on the lam.
Researchers say people who claim to have experienced previous lives also have unusually high rates of mental health disorders.
“That’s exactly what Napoleon once told me,” said this woman.
The Webb Space Telescope has discovered another moon, the 29th in all, around Uranus.
Ha ha, that sounds like “your anus.”
A “nonbinary” wildlife biologist at Yosemite National Park has been fired for hanging a transgender pride flag from El Capitan.
Hey, it’s not called La Capitana! That’s a Spanish grammar joke.
Gavin Newsom is now feuding with Kid Rock, who says: “The only support Gavin Newscum will ever get out of me is from DEEZ NUTZ.”
Well, now we know why Newsom’s hair is always so sticky.
The mugshot of a Kentucky woman has gone viral after she was arrested for doing $12,000 damage to her ex-boyfriend’s car.
This is an important news story and we’ll keep you abreast of it.
On Highway 174 in Missouri, a semi truck went up in flames, destroying 20 tons of ribeye steaks.
Ironically, this sort of thing is rare.
Chris Matthews is now begging Democrats to drop their obsession with open borders and transgender ideology.
Well, he’s no longer invited to my weekly Ecuadorian Drag Queen Story Hour.