Week Sauce (7/26)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
Coca-Cola has announced a “new” version sweetened with cane sugar, just a week after Donald Trump took credit for the idea.
In related news, CBS has announced the replacement for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
In a new interview, Hunter Biden says smoking crack is actually “cleaner” than snorting cocaine, and probably safer than alcohol.
So he and Trump are both trying to improve Coke.
Beto O’Rourke, who hasn’t won an election in nine years, is now calling on Democrats to be “absolutely ruthless about getting back in power.”
The Democrats have taken his advice and kicked him out.
Rock legend Ozzy Osbourne has passed away at the age of 76.
In lieu of flowers, his family is asking fans to make a donation to the Church of Satan, the North American Society for Bat Research, or the Alamo.
Hachette Book Group just paid Joe Biden a $10 million advance to write a memoir.
That’s $1 million for each moment of his life he can actually remember.
Jasmine Crockett is now openly bragging about the Democrats using “dark money” to take back Congress.
She then went to work on a pile of $100 bills with a Sharpie.
While warming up for the WNBA All-Star Game, players wore t-shirts that said, “Pay Us What You Owe Us.”
The league then presented them with coupons for 25% off at participating Arby’s restaurants.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s office in the Bronx has been vandalized with graffiti, along with a note claiming she funds genocide in Gaza.
AOC hasn’t read the note, because she doesn’t know how.
In Gdansk, Poland, archaeologists have uncovered the grave of a Medieval knight underneath the site of an abandoned ice cream parlor.
Wow, what a scoop!
Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass says it’s unconstitutional to arrest illegal aliens while they’re working at car washes.
Because everybody knows the Founding Fathers loved a good car wash.
