Week Sauce (7/13)

Weekend immune system

A new documentary suggests Abraham Lincoln was secretly gay.
Hey, what’s a cabin without a few logs?

The House Democratic Caucus held a meeting this week on what to do about President Biden, and an attendee said it “felt like a funeral.”
“Not yet,” replied one observer.

According to the Washington Post, one big-name Biden donor now thinks “for every 10 people who think he should exit, one thinks he should stay.”
When reached for comment, Biden said: “Hey, 50% ain’t bad!”

Reportedly, Hunter Biden is now effectively his father’s chief of staff.
Which may explain why the Oval Office now has a stripper pole and bottle service.

The state of New York has been distributing an AI robot named ElliQ to older residents, in an effort to combat loneliness.
Hey, it beats giving them the keys to the White House.

One of Sonia Sotomayor’s bodyguards shot a would-be carjacker outside her home in DC.
“Apparently I’m not so bad after all,” responded the Second Amendment.

Zoë Kravitz says her upcoming film, Blink Twice, originally had a much different title: Pussy Island.
Unfortunately, that one was already taken.

Ellen Degeneres says that after her upcoming Netflix special, she’s leaving show business because everybody thinks she’s mean.
Now that’s one lady who knows when she’s licked.

Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson is now blaming Richard Nixon for gun violence in the city.
Although the former president has a fairly solid alibi.