Week Sauce (7/12)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
The deputy director of the Secret Service says six people were briefly suspended without pay after the assassination attempts against Donald Trump.
But they get to keep their jobs. Talk about dodging a bullet!
According to attorney Robert Shapiro, Sean “Diddy” Combs could spend “substantial” time in prison.
And if that guy doesn’t know how keep you out of jail...
Elon Musk has formed a new political party, which he calls the America Party.
Membership is easy: Just bear one of his children.
Scientists say owning a dog or cat can slow down cognitive decline as we age.
That’s why I have a cat. Or is it a dog?
In a recent Washington Post op-ed, a professional clown complained about being compared to Donald Trump.
He makes a good point. Trump is actually funny!
Researchers say vegetarians crave power and success more than meat-eaters.
You know what else they crave? Meat!
Superman star David Corenswet says he sought advice from previous actors who played the character, but they refused.
I blame red kryptonite. If you got that joke, you’re a nerd.
Veteran comedy writer Larry Charles says when he started out in the ‘80s, cocaine was the only way he could meet his insane deadlines.
It was also the only way he could get really high on cocaine.
The Chuck E. Cheese restaurant chain has launched Chuck’s Arcade, where adults can drink booze and play video games.
So it’s just like being at home, except with more stabbings.
Ozzy Osbourne is raising money for charity by auctioning off paintings he made with a group of chimps.
“The only thing that bothered me was the smell,” said a chimp.
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