Week Sauce (6/14)

Weekend immune system

A Long Island woman is suing Cold Stone Creamery because their pistachio ice cream contains no actual pistachios.
It’s always disappointing when someone claims to have nuts, but it turns out they’re fake.

Comedian George Lopez walked offstage during a stand-up show at a California casino because of hecklers.
Carlos Mencia then did the exact same thing.

Steve-O says he’s moving from California to Tennessee to escape the high taxes.
If you’ve ever seen his work, you know his ass is sore enough already.

A California elementary school teacher will not be prosecuted for showing up drunk to work.
However, the court has ordered her to start bringing enough for the whole class.

According to researchers, sadness among older people can lead to cognitive decline.
I don’t know what they mean. I feel fine! What are you all looking at? Where am I?