Week Sauce (5/31)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
China has held the world’s first boxing tournament between life-sized robots.
The bots wore boxing gloves and headgear to protect their bolts, but no cup for their nuts.
During Scott Pelley’s commencement address at Wake Forest University, he claimed, “Freedom of speech is under attack.”
He was then not attacked.
Rosie O’Donnell is celebrating the weight she’s lost since she started using Mounjaro.
She is, of course, still fat.
Massachusetts state senator Cynthia Creem has introduced a bill that would limit the number of miles you can drive in your own car.
What a terrible idea. Women driving?!?
An international research team says three asteroids could strike Earth within weeks, any one of which could destroy an entire city.
They’re recommending that you go ahead and have that second donut.
Elon Musk is disappointed in the new Republican spending bill, saying: “I think a bill can be big or it can be beautiful, but I don’t know if it can be both.”
DOGE now stands for Dang, Orange Guy’s Enraged.
Business Insider just laid off 20% of its staff and will shift to A.I.
After all, it’s not called Friendship Insider.
A stuntwoman is suing Kevin Costner over an unscripted, unrehearsed rape scene in Horizon: Chapter 2.
Hey, it coulda been worse.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio is restricting the visas of foreign officials who try to censor the online free speech of Americans.
When reached for comment, the foreign officials said a bunch of gibberish I couldn’t understand.
Jeff Bezos is offering a voluntary buyout to staffers at the Washington Post if they’re unwilling to promote personal liberties and free markets.
The newspaper will now be one page long.