Week Sauce (5/17)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s events. Enjoy!
Reportedly, when Chuck Schumer begged Joe Biden to drop out of the 2024 race, Biden said: “You have bigger balls than anyone I’ve ever met.”
Wow, his memory really is gone.
Netflix is developing a miniseries about the life of Madonna.
Peter Dinklage has already signed on to play one of her cold sores.
The latest travel trend is the “digital detox” vacation, where the hotel room has no TV or internet, and a concierge puts your phone in a locked safe.
It’s perfect if you want to get away from it all and you’re a kidnapper.
Congratulations to Salma Hayek, who’s on the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue at the age of 58.
Although the photo shoot had to wrap up by 3:00 so she could catch the early-bird special at Golden Corral.
Researchers say narcissists enjoy being gossiped about, even if it’s negative.
Yeah, because it means people are talking about me!
In California, a circus performer has broken a Guinness World Record by hanging from her hair for over 25 minutes.
At the same time, she broke the world record for a woman not talking.
Pabst Blue Ribbon is introducing a beer-flavored cheese.
It won’t get you drunk, but then, neither does Pabst Blue Ribbon.
The sequel to The Passion of the Christ will be called The Resurrection of the Christ
[EXASPERATED] Great, spoilers. Now I guess I don’t need to read the book!
Halle Berry says she’s not sure if she or any other woman should ever play James Bond.
For one thing, she’d need to learn how to drive.
Sad news: Taylor Swift and Blake Lively are no longer best friends.
In related news, Swift’s latest single is called “Blake Lively Is a Stinky Bitch.”
Happy Birthday to the legendary Stevie Wonder, who just turned 75.
Once again he blew out the candles, took off his sunglasses, and said: “Well, maybe next year.”
A Soviet-era spacecraft has crashed into the Indian Ocean after more than 50 years in orbit.
Wow, imagine staying that high for that long.
