Week Sauce (4/12)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the week’s events. Enjoy!
Rosie O’Donnell has cut her adopted daughter Chelsea out of her $80,000,000 will, and explains her reasoning in a poem on Substack.
I will now recite it. Ahem:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’re crazier than me, kid
No money, f*** you
In Australia, a doctor was fined $10,000 for posting a picture of a patient’s penis because it had a swastika tattoo.
Remember: Not all dicks are Nazis, but all Nazis are dicks.
In Britain, a women’s billiards championship match was played between two biological males.
Well, that game does require a lot of balls.
The NYPD was launched an essay contest where teenagers can present ideas to stop subway surfing.
The prize is $500 and the joy of being the world’s biggest buzzkill.
Scientists now say using Ozempic can lower your risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
If you remember to take it.
The Department of Government Efficiency might start making cuts to the Secret Service.
Guess they can’t hide anymore.
The National Weather Service is no longer translating alerts into other languages, which experts say could endanger non-English speakers.
Great news if you’d rather die than learn English.
British schoolchildren are now being taught that Joan of Arc was non-binary.
“No way,” said these historians.
Meryl Streep will portray the talking lion Aslan in a new adaptation of The Chronicles of Narnia.
This is an outrage. Lions can’t talk!
According to a new study, Republicans now have less trust in their doctors than Democrats do.
Gee, wonder why?
