Week Sauce (3/22)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the week’s events. Enjoy!
In Los Angeles, a jury has awarded $50 million in damages to a Starbucks customer whose genitals were burned by hot tea.
On a related note, macadamias are no longer the world’s most expensive nuts.
According to a new study, almost two-thirds of Americans have “math anxiety.”
[SMUG CHUCKLE] I’ll have you know, I’m in the remaining 25%.
Researchers have released a list of the 100 fattest cities in America.
Coming in at number one: Wherever this guy is.
Megan Rapinoe called President Trump “cruel and depraved” for banning genetic males from competing in women’s sports.
She then adjusted her scrotum.
A Washington, DC postal worker has been convicted of stealing over $1.6 million in checks, and spending it on strip clubs and luxury travel.
Big mistake. If you want to steal that much money in Washington, first you need to get elected.
Unilever has fired the CEO of Ben and Jerry’s for pushing divisive causes like DEI, Palestine, and Black Lives Matter.
In response, the company has announced some new flavors: Double Chocolate Molotov, No Justice No Peach, and Strawberry Struggle Session.
Gen Z is leading the rise in “revenge quitting,” or leaving a job in the most disruptive way possible.
But older employees are doing it too.
During an appearance on The View, Chuck Schumer condemned Americans who don’t want the government to take so much of their money.
It’s all part of the Democratic Party’s plan to make everyone hate them.
A Swedish A.I. startup claims to have created a robot dog that can learn like a real dog.
But at first, you’ll need to clean a lot of batteries off the carpet.
Elon Musk says within 20 years, America could put one million people on Mars.
And the lack of atmosphere will keep anybody from firebombing any Teslas.