Week Sauce (3/15)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the week’s events for whatever reason. Enjoy!
A member of the Oregon’s mental health advisory board says she identifies as a turtle.
Now the meetings keep getting delayed because she’s always late.
X, previously known as Twitter, has been experiencing major outages.
The system crashed when all of Elon Musk’s biological children tried to sign up at once.
Speaking about the Bud Light controversy on The View, Dylan Mulvaney said, “I realized I had become the poster child for this thing, when trans is just a small part of me.”
Hey, at least she’s not bragging about the size of her penis.
Scientists say it takes most people three to seven days to fully adjust to Daylight Saving Time.
But for a few, the negative effects of a sudden time change may last much longer.
According to DHS, the government phone app that allowed illegal aliens to enter the country will now be used to deport them.
When reached for comment, former president Biden drooled into his bib.
Alec Baldwin joked that his kids want more money to do a second season of the family’s reality show.
Also demanding a raise: the camera crew.
The wife of Ghost Adventures star Aaron Goodwin has been arrested for allegedly hiring a hitman to kill him.
Police say they were tipped off by one of Goodwin’s colleagues.
Rapper Lil Yachty recently called the Black Lives Matter organization a scam, and BLM accused him of “drinking the white supremacist ideology Kool-Aid.”
BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors could not be reached for comment at any of her homes.
TSA agents at Newark Airport stopped a man who was hiding a turtle down the front of his pants.
The man was removed from the airport, and the turtle was unharmed.
Meghan Markle is starting a new podcast for women looking to start a business.
She’ll give tips on finding a prince to marry, and good hiding places for his testicles.