Week Sauce (1/25)
Weekend immune system
Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the week’s events for whatever reason. Enjoy!
Cecile Richards, former president of Planned Parenthood, has been terminated in her 273rd trimester.
Joe Biden spent his final hours in office pardoning Anthony Fauci, Mark Milley, and everybody in his own family he hasn’t pardoned yet.
Everyone except Jill Biden, because the acting president can’t pardon herself.
Ex-President Biden now says: “I’m not going anywhere.”
“We’ll see about that,” replied one observer.
President Trump has promised to open up all the files on the assassinations of JFK, RFK, and MLK.
However, he flatly refuses to reveal the whereabouts of Carmen Sandiego.
In Houston, police say rats are infesting evidence lockers and eating illicit narcotics, including 400,000 pounds of marijuana.
“That’s what really happened, we swear,” said police spokesmen.
Time magazine gave readers some tips on surviving Trump’s second inauguration, such as a brisk workout, spending some time in nature, and getting the f*** over yourself.
Lauren Sanchez, fiancé of Jeff Bezos, raised eyebrows at Donald Trump’s inauguration with her low-cut outfit.
Although some of the attendees just look like that anyway.
Police in southern California have seized more than 200 roosters that were being forced to fight each other as part of an illegal betting operation.
It was the biggest roundup of cocks since the last P. Diddy party.
Congratulations to Karla Sofía Gascón, the first trans actor to be nominated for an Oscar.
And congrats to all the other Best Actress nominees for acting like they’re cool with it.
Oprah Winfrey says taking Ozempic has made her realize the truth about thin people.
They’re simply more attractive.