Week Sauce (12/23)

Weekend immune system

The Masked Singer runner-up John Schneider is under Secret Service investigation for tweeting that President Biden is “guilty of treason and should be publicly hung.”
This is an outrage! The correct word is “hanged.”

Harvard University President Claudine Gay has been hit with even more accusations of plagiarism, bringing the total to 41 instances so far.
In a statement, Gay replied: “Can’t we all just get along?”

A Delaware man was arrested for drunk driving after crashing his car into President Biden’s motorcade.
But don’t worry, they’ve both forgotten all about it.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, a record-high 36% of the city’s office space is vacant.
This is also the percentage of sidewalks not covered in human $#!+.

Actress Sydney Sweeney has revealed that as a teen, she wanted to get a breast reduction but changed her mind.
We now have ironclad proof that there is a God.

Maryland Senator Ben Cardin says he feels “anger and frustration” after one of his aides posted video of himself having gay sex in a Senate hearing room.
This is known as FOMO, or fear of missing out.

Julian Lennon says he’s been “driven up the wall” by the Beatles’ 1968 hit “Hey Jude,” which was written about him as a child.
In response, Yoko Ono emitted an ear-piercing shriek and then stared at the wall.

After actor Jonathan Majors was convicted of assault this week, Marvel Studios has fired him and is changing the title of the next Avengers film.
It will now be called Avengers: We Don’t Know That Guy.

According to a recent study, hypochondriacs tend to die younger than normal people.
So, the next time someone scolds you to mask up… look on the bright side!