Week Sauce (10/12)

Weekend immune system

Welcome to Week Sauce, where I share some jokes I wrote about the past week’s news for whatever reason. Enjoy!

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FEMA Director Deanne Criswell says criticizing the agency is “dangerous rhetoric.”
Large areas of North Carolina could not be reached for comment.

The new horror film Terrifier 3 has been banned in France.
The French are outraged by the shower scene, because of its depiction of soap and water.

Israel may have killed yet another Hezbollah leader, the third in less than two weeks.
If he’s still alive, he’s not answering his beeper.

Viktor Bout, the Russian “Merchant of Death” who the United States exchanged for Brittney Griner, has gone back to selling weapons to terrorists.
Well, at least one of them has a successful career.

Kamala Harris, the self-described middle-class kid whose neighbors were proud of their lawns, had some trouble using a shovel for a campaign stunt.
Whereas Doug has no problem throwing his tool around. Just ask the nanny.

The Joker sequel is bombing at the box office, and most critics hate it.
“Gee, that’s too bad,” said one observer.

Al Pacino says he’s no longer in a relationship with 30-year-old Noor Alfallah, the mother of his one-year-old son.
They broke up because she always insisted on changing the baby’s diaper before Al’s.