Stealing Is Wrong (Sometimes)

It literally depends on skin color, you racists

Let’s say you’re a white person, or you work in an industry dominated by white people. Just to pick one at random, let’s say it’s academia. Yes, you work in academia and you’re white.

Well, that’s hardly fair, is it? Maybe you haven’t heard, but white people have done a lot of bad things over the years.

Perfect example: slavery. Did you know white people used to own slaves? I’ll bet those mayo monsters would still own slaves today if they could get away with it.

And most of those slaves were black. So, simple logic dictates that white people living in 2024 America, none of whom were even born yet when slavery was still legal, are directly responsible for that evil.

Therefore, black people in 2024 America, none of whom were even born yet when slavery was still legal, are owed something for the pain and suffering of the people who superficially resembled them.

No one disputes this.

“But we elected a black man president of the United States,” howl the racists. As if that erases the stain of slavery. Uh, maybe you should watch Get Out. Educate yourself.

So when I heard that the president of Harvard University, Claudine Gay, was a strong, intelligent black woman — excuse me, I mean Black woman — I knew right away that those crackers would try to take her down. They want her picking cotton, not fashionable eyewear.

I’m talking about those dirty Republicans, of course. They think that just because they freed the slaves, now they get to impose the same rules on Black people as everybody else.

And do you know how those plantation overseers did it? They accused her of plagiarism! They actually claimed a Black woman rose to a position of power by stealing the work of her peers. They had the gall to allege that she did so for decades.

Now, admittedly, this is absolutely correct. She did steal other people’s work. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. The accusation is 100% true.

Which raises the obvious question: