Prince Harry Finally Says Something Interesting

Good work, Meghan

Have I told you my theory about Meghan Markle? It seems obvious to me that she’s a deep-cover agent of the United States government, assigned to destroy the British royal family from within.

Wait, wait, hear me out. Think about it. America is playing the long game: First we declare independence from Britain and kick their asses out of here. Then we pretend to be their friends for two centuries and as many world wars. And then, once we’ve cleverly lowered their guard, we send in Markle to finish the job. That’s what those limeys get for messing with us.

So far, it’s working beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. Those Brits are already down one queen, and our star-spangled spy has obviously driven Harry out of his crumpet-lickin’ mind: