Transcript
Well said, Madam President. You’re not dumb. Everybody else is dumb.
AOC 48!
It’s Monday, February 23, 2026. I’m allegedly Jim Treacher. And I stand with Mike Huckabee.
Now that the United States of America owns the sport of hockey, and our neighbors to the north are defeated and demoralized, this is the perfect time to invade. We can end this maple syrup menace, once and for all!
Just kidding. Probably.
I don’t really care about hockey or the Olympics, but I do enjoy the humiliation of communists. So… USA, man! USA!
The best comment I’ve seen about the US winning is from a guy named Austin Jacobsen, who said: “Imagine your county is 90% frozen for three quarters of the year and losing in hockey to a country that has alligators in it.”
That’s America, baby!
And that win gave us one of the greatest photographs of the 21st Century so far.
Jack Hughes, the kid who scored the winning goal with his two front teeth freshly knocked out. Like, 10 minutes before he scored the winning goal, he had his teeth knocked out. Hockey players are just built different.
