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Transcript
Dolly Parton, R.I.P.
It’s Wednesday, August 26, 2026. I’m allegedly Jim Treacher.
And that was Dolly Parton back in the ‘70s, on her first variety show. (She had several over the years.) She was performing one of the thousands of songs she wrote in her lifetime.
And that wasn’t sped up. That was a live performance. She had just played the song at normal speed, and then she said, “Hey, why don’t we switch the record player from 45 to 78?” And played it that way, and nailed it.
She could do anything. You name it, she did it. Music, acting, every kind of business you could think of, philanthropy… She gave away millions of books to kids. I think, something like 300 million books. Listing her accomplishments would take all day.
She even did stuff nobody knew about. I didn’t know until today that she was one of the producers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Both the original movie and the TV show. It was her company, Sandollar Productions. She was behind the scenes. I don’t think she ever got an onscreen credit. Which is weird to think about, Dolly Parton taking a backseat. But she was a savvy businesswoman.
In retrospect, it’s too bad she never visited the set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She could have straightened out Joss Whedon, like she did Dabney Coleman in Nine to Five.
“Look, I got a gun out there in my purse. And up to now, I’ve been forgiving and forgetting because of the way I was brought up. But I’ll tell you one thing: If you ever say another word about me, or make another indecent proposal, I’m gonna get that gun of mine, and I’m gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot. Don’t think I can’t do it!”
“Don’t think I can’t do it.” That was her motto!
And everybody loved her. Today, she’s being remembered by everybody from the British Royal Family to Eminem. The rapper Eminem.
He just shared a very kind, heartfelt letter she wrote him a few years ago, when they were both inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Now, you can argue about whether either of them was rock & roll, but whatever.
She wrote a very nice letter to him. I’ll read a little bit of it.
Marshall (Eminem),
Congratulations on your induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Your performance was amazing and everybody said so. Even though I don’t know a lot about rap music, I’ve come to know that you are the very best at it. Aside from that I hope what I have to say will not seem weird or strange to you but I have always felt some unexplained connection to you like I know you somehow.
Imagine Dolly Parton writing that to you. That’s amazing.
And when you think about it, it’s not really that weird that she felt some kind of affinity with him. They were both white trash who proved everybody wrong. Game recognize game.
And if you go back and look at his performance that night of the induction, she was in the front row, cheering. You can’t miss her. She always made sure of that.
She was also funny. She had a sense of humor about herself. Here’s a great quote:
“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
I’ll never forget when she went on Letterman — back when he was still Letterman — and did a Top 10 List full of jokes about herself. Which just tickled her pink.
“And now, the number one Dolly Parton pet peeve…”
“Nobody notices I’ve got a great ass, too!”
Well, I noticed.
She was a class act, who came from nothing and died beloved by the whole world. God bless America. And God bless Dolly Parton.
Democrats are finally waking up and distancing themselves from Hassan Piker. Even Democrats you wouldn’t expect, like Cory Booker.
He doesn’t sugarcoat it either. He writes:
Mark your calendar, because Cory Booker’s right!
We’ll see if Abdul Whatsisface finally wises up and dumps this guy. He probably won’t. He’ll cry some more about “Islamophobia.” I love how everything is a “phobia.” Directly quoting a Muslim terrorist is somehow an irrational fear, a “phobia.”
In 2026, antisemitism is a problem in both parties. The difference is, Republican antisemites keep losing, and Democrat antisemites keep winning.
I don’t stand with any of them.
Any of them.
In fine dining news…
KFC — formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, before everybody got scared of the word “fried” — is introducing an Oreo chicken burger.
I repeat: Oreo chicken burger. Those words, in that order.
This new sandwich features cookie-style buns, mashed potatoes covered in crushed Oreo pieces, and a fried chicken filet. I mean, it all goes to the same place, right?
But don’t get too excited. It’s only being offered… in China.
Finally, America is getting revenge for COVID-19.
I don’t think I’ve done a streaming pick this week yet. Here’s one: Normal on HBO Max.
I’ve been a Bob Odenkirk fan since The Ben Stiller Show, back in the early ‘90s. I’ve watched every episode of Mr. Show multiple times. And I was rooting for him in the early aughts, when he was trying and failing to get some kind of comedy show off the ground.
Then he did a guest spot on a show about a meth cook, and in his late 40s, his whole career did a hard turn.
You never know, y’know? You just keep grinding, you give it all you’ve got, and you make your own opportunities. Knock on wood.
So now, Odenkirk has joined the ranks of elderly action heroes. Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves, Brad Pitt… and Bob.
Starting with the Nobody movies. I just saw the second one recently, and I heard it was terrible, but it was… it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t as good as the first one, but it was fine. It was violent. What more do you want?
And now in this movie, it’s in the same vein. It’s Odenkirk playing a seemingly ordinary guy, who then has to kill a bunch of people in highly entertaining ways.
Now, it’s not wall-to-wall action. The script really takes its time to introduce these characters and makes you care about them. And then… I don’t want to spoil it, but it takes a turn that I was not expecting, even after seeing the trailer.
And yes, that is Fonzie as the mayor. Henry Winkler. He’s still cool. He’s still… the bomb.
I just don’t know how much longer these 60-plus actors can keep doing this stuff. Tom Cruise, I think, has broken every bone in his body to entertain people. Keanu seems pretty worn out. So I’m glad Odenkirk still has a little juice left in him.
Did I ever tell you about the time I met him? I probably did. He was nice.
And a quick shout-out to my friend Jon Gabriel, who’s been battling cancer. He just announced it’s now in full remission. He still has to do chemo, but what a great word: remission.
F*** cancer.
Alright, that’s it. See ya later, seppos.
