California Uber Alles: 2021

Vax fascists will control you

“Come out to California, everybody! We’re so chilled out and laid back. Everything’s groovy out here in the land of golden sunshine. Hey bud, let’s party!” Remember all that stuff? Remember the promise of California?

Yeah, never mind. Tom Tapp, Deadline:

Proof of at least partial vaccination against Covid-19 would be required to enter public indoor spaces in the city of Los Angeles, including restaurants, bars, gyms, concert venues, movie theaters and even “retail establishments,” under a proposal introduced Wednesday by City Council President Nury Martinez…

The proposal is similar to a policy announced this week in New York City, but it would be more restrictive with the inclusion of retail establishments, potentially limiting access to some basic necessities.

Nobody should be penalized with closures, because lockdowns don’t work.

As for removing an entire class of people from public life… Hmm. Where have I heard that story before?

“Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! March! March! March! You’re in Cali now, you stupid Yankee. Where are your papers, Schweinehund? Show me your papers!!!”

Back in 2008, some guy wrote a book called Liberal Fascism. It was about how American liberals, who pride themselves on being progressive and unbiased, are the most insular, closed-minded people around. They can tolerate anything but dissent. They celebrate diversity in everything but thought. And they justify their repressive tendencies by telling themselves it’s for the greater good. Like George Carlin said: “When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jackboots. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts. Smiley-smiley.”

I’m vaccinated. If you want my opinion, you should get vaccinated. If you don’t want my opinion, you should get vaccinated. The vaccine works. An overwhelming majority of COVID-19 hospitalizations and deaths in the summer of 2021 are among the unvaccinated. If you refuse to take the vaccine, you’re a fool. I won’t gloat if you get sick, like the scumbags we rely on for our “news,” but I won’t have any sympathy for you either.

And, also, in addition to that: Nury Martinez and all the people who think like her are fascists. This pandemic is a perfect opportunity for them to seize control of your life. Are you going to let them?

Totalitarianism in the Golden State. If you won’t protect yourself, the state will do it for you. California Uber Alles!

Speaking of repressive tactics in the name of COVID-19 safety…

Yesterday Twitter gave me yet another one-week suspension after I responded to this scaremongering clown, who calls himself “The Digital Doctor”:

So I asked this dingus why he doesn’t just bury himself underground if he wants to avoid the virus. That’ll keep him safe.

Just look at this tool:

What a jerk. But he’s wearing a lab coat, so you’re not allowed to heckle him. After I asked him why he doesn’t just go underground, literally, I got this message the next time I opened Twitter:

What? “Bury yourself underground if you’re vaccinated but still scared of COVID-19” is considered a threat or something? Whatever. My @jtLOL account is still there, but I can’t access it for a week. If you don’t see me there, that’s why.

Being vaccinated and not freaking out over the coronavirus is now considered “anti-vax.” It is completely insane.

That’s my second suspension in as many months, for saying something that other people can say on Twitter with no consequence. The first suspension was for making a fat joke about Busta Rhymes after he ranted about masks. You’re only allowed to say certain things about the pandemic, in a certain way. All else is verboten.

Let that be a lesson to you, dear reader: Medical professionals are using scare tactics against vaccinated people now, and it’s a big no-no to mock them for it.

It’s only a matter of time until these jackbooted thugs take over Substack too, so read me while you still can. #TwuckFitter.

Hey, why is the White House going after the governor of the state that ranks 26th in coronavirus deaths?

One problem with this: Florida has had fewer COVID-19 deaths than literally half the states in the US, and DeSantis has been highly visible in leading the way.

Why the hell is Psaki doing this? Because DeSantis is a threat to the power of the Democratic Party. They’re afraid he’s going to run for president in 2024, and they’re doing everything they can to slap him down now. Plus, Andrew Cuomo is in big trouble and they’d rather talk about anything else.

They need to lie about DeSantis so their co-dependents in the press will say moronic crap like this:

What does Lucy Ramirez think about that, Dan? Have you tracked her down yet? Are you preparing your report about it for the CBS Evening News? If not, why not?

If you’ve been following Andrew Cuomo’s sex-pest scandal and you’re wondering where the #MeToo movement has been, now the truth can be told: They’re standing in his corner.

He’s not going to resign, and I doubt he’ll be impeached. He’ll just blackmail somebody and get out of it. New York is so irredeemably corrupt. That’s why all the NY journos are focusing on Florida right now.

Cori Bush, who recently sat in a welter of cookie boxes and potato chip bags on the Capitol steps to protest Americans being expected to pay their rent, is now threatening the McCloskeys.

“His day will come.” This is a sitting member of Congress openly threatening one of her own constituents on national TV.

And here’s the press:

She’s a real treat, this one.

Stable and smart. No wonder Joe Biden will do whatever she wants!

Here’s the newest thing you’re not supposed to say: “shark attack.” If you get attacked by a shark, you shouldn’t say so because it’ll hurt the shark’s feelings. You should refer to it as an “incident” or an “encounter” instead.

“Hey, man, what happened to your leg?”
“I encountered a shark.”
“Wow, looks like it was quite an incident. The graceful-yet-misunderstood aquatic creature chewed off everything below the knee!”

So yeah, you should say that thing you’re supposed to say now. And then go soak your head, you addlepated nincompoop.1

In the comments of yesterday’s newsletter — it was for subscribers only, so if you missed it, you missed out — a helpful reader suggested I should offer t-shirts and coffee mugs and whatnot. Earn a little extra cash by making you pay to advertise my wares. Might be a good idea. If anybody’s interested, please let me know. As a wise man once said, I’m just trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents.

So are you excited about The Suicide Squad, dorks? I’m cautiously optimistic. Gunn is a leftist dickhead who refuses to confront the role of cancel culture in his near-downfall a few years ago,2 but he’s a funny writer and a good director. Mostly I just want to see how he turns Polka-Dot Man, the stupidest Batman villain ever, into some kind of action hero. I assume PDM will die horribly, because it sounds like most of the losers on the new squad will bite it. Which is probably why Will Smith didn’t want anything to do with this.

I’m just disappointed Kite Man3 isn’t on the squad. He’s yet another early-’60s Batman villain with a ludicrous gimmick, but DC has recently done a pretty good job of rehabilitating him. He’s still just an idiot who flies around in a kite suit committing kite-related crimes, but now he has layers. Gunn says he considered using Kite Man, and hasn’t ruled him out if there’s a sequel.

Hell yeah.

I’m looking forward to it. Hey, even Kyle Smith liked it! Well, kinda.

Thanks for reading. Sorry today’s newsletter is a little short, but between the Twitter thing and macOS Big Sur deciding to throw a tantrum on me — Thanks, Tim Cook! — I’ve been occupied this morning. I’ll do better tomorrow. Which is Friday, right? Please let tomorrow be Friday. I’m afraid to even look.


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Sorry about the language. I’m in a bad mood today.


It’s easy for James Gunn to say, “Still, some people should be cancelled,” after he was un-cancelled because his movies make a buttload of money. He doesn’t care about the average Joe whose life is ruined for tweeting the wrong thing, or making an innocuous gesture that some lunatic decides is racist, or whatever. Most cancel-culture victims haven’t raked in billions of dollars for huge corporations, like Gunn has. It’s just amazing to me that his entire life was almost ruined by the very phenomenon he still supports. But then, my expectations were probably too high. After all, he’s just a guy who writes dialogue for talking trees and raccoons.


Kite Man’s real name is Charles Brown. Get it?