California Dreamin' Meets Reality

Thanks, Gavin

It’s pleasant to believe things that aren’t true. It comforts you and makes you feel good about yourself. It wraps you in the warm, cuddly delusion that you’re better than the people who disagree with you.

Right up until the moment reality burns your house down.

It turns out the greatest danger to Los Angelinos isn’t sexism or fascism or 1/6 or the price of almond milk. It’s fire. And all that tax money they keep paying to their state and local government hasn’t saved them.

I hate when people say “Let me see if I get this straight,” because usually they don’t. But here’s my understanding of the Los Angeles wildfires so far:

• There’s no water coming from the fire hydrants, and California Governor Gavin Newsom says that’s for the “local folks” to figure out

• Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass was 7,500 miles away as the blazes raged, even though a Fire Weather Watch was declared a week ago and they all knew these heavy Santa Ana winds would be a problem

• The LA Fire Chief has been warning that an $18 million budget cut, approved by Bass, would hinder the department’s ability to prevent what’s happening right now

• Donald Trump has been badgering Gavin Newsom for years about taking measures to prevent wildfires, which Newsom promised to do but didn’t, but it doesn’t matter because Trump is the bad guy and wrong about everything

• Now people are being arrested for trying to start even more fires

• Democrats are, of course, screaming about “climate change,” because it’s easier to blame the angry sky gods than to account for Democrat corruption and incompetence

I’m sure there’s a lot of other gross negligence and ineptitude and outright malfeasance I’m missing, but that’s about as much as my brain can process right now.

But don’t worry, the highly paid professionals are on top of it. Here’s LAFD Assistant Chief Kristine Larson ($399K/yr), who is in charge of the department’s highly necessary new DEI initiatives:

“‘Is she strong enough to do this?’ Or, ‘You couldn’t carry my husband out of a fire.’ Which, my response is, he got himself in the wrong place if I have to carry him out of a fire.”

So: If you’re trapped inside a burning building in Los Angeles, the diversity-hire firefighters will scoff at you for expecting them to do her job. Maybe you should think about your racism and sexism and homophobia as you’re burning to death. It’ll be a closed-casket funeral, but at least you didn’t suffer the humiliation of being saved by a straight white man.

And of course, our fine president is taking this opportunity to show us how strong and steady and sane he is during a crisis:

“Fire away. No pun intended.” Oh, that Joe! And I like Jake Tapper’s attempt to jump in and save him: “Alright, anyway, folks…”

Oh yeah, and did you know Joe is a great-grandfather this week? According to him, that’s the “good news” in all of this.

Now entire LA neighborhoods are smoking rubble, and the wildfires are still burning with no end in sight. It’s too bad excuses and lies aren’t fire-retardant.

There’s only one business Gavin Newsom is stimulating right now: U-Haul.

Fake image generated by Grok.

Of course, most of the people fleeing the state will keep voting Democrat. No fire is hot enough to burn away their delusions.

And remember: If you notice when Democrats screw up, you’re “playing politics.” Even when you’re the one standing in the ashes of their failure.

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Right about now, we could all use some good music.

Too bad, because here’s Joe Scarborough instead.

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