Bambie Thug Proves Antisemites Can Be Boring

Hating Jews isn't a substitute for a personality

The Eurovision Song Contest is like soccer or the metric system: Americans have heard of it, but we don’t care about it, and we think it’s funny that the rest of the world resents us for that.

We’ve already got America’s Got Talent. We don’t need Europe’s Got a Long-Ass History of Antisemitism.

This year, though, one Eurovision contestant stands out. Especially considering he, she, or it comes from my ancestral home.

Dear reader, I introduce to you Ireland’s representative at Eurovision 2024: Bambie Thug.

In modern Ireland, you can be anything you want, including a woodland sprite who is also a Nazi.

But wait, you haven’t even heard her sing yet!

Bambie Thug, get it? She’s like a gentle forest creature, but also boring.

As Count Floyd used to say: Pretty scary, eh, kids? It’s like Marilyn Manson took a huge dump on Shirley Manson.

She can sing, I guess, but the whole act is about as terrifying as Count Chocula. And as far as I know, they haven’t turned that guy into an antisemite. Yet.

And even better, she identifies as nonbinary. You’re supposed to refer to her as “they.” I refuse categorically.

Bambie Thug’s schtick stopped being cool decades ago, all the way back when The Onion was still funny.

In terms of sheer horror:

Alice Cooper > Marilyn Manson > the guy who greets you at Walmart > Bambie Thug