All I Want for Christmas Is Everybody Stop Being Crazy
Just knock it off for one day, five minutes, anything
I’m at my wits’ end. And I live by these wits.
How have we all gone crazy? Let me count the ways…
Colorado has decided Trump can’t be on the 2024 presidential ballot because of the 1/6 riot. They’re comparing him to Confederate leaders in the Civil War, and saying it’s covered by the 14th Amendment. Now, that war was a bit before my time, but I do know it took longer than an afternoon and had a much, much higher body count. But I guess the Dems figure if 1/6 was crazy, they get to be crazy too.
Trump has discovered that a New York Post reporter attending his civil fraud trial is actually the son of the judge — an amazing fact that is 100% false — and he’s tweeting a bunch of crazy stuff about it. Or, rather, posting it on his own fake Twitter, Truth Social, because the old Twitter regime went crazy and kicked him off for being crazy.
People are chanting antisemitic slogans in the street, beating up Jews, trashing synagogues. Because a bunch of Jews were slaughtered by crazy terrorists half a world away. It’s crazy.
The president of Harvard University is a crazy plagiarist, and now the libs are going crazy making excuses for her because she’s not a white dude. They’re so crazy that the more racist they get, the more racism they see in everyone else.
Taylor Swift is dating some football player, and everybody’s going crazy.
The guy who played Kang in the Marvel movies went crazy and beat up his girlfriend, so now his career is ruined and he’s going to jail. And nerds are going crazy because the same thing hasn’t happened to Ezra Miller, which is racist or something.
Even the holidays are no solace. People are refusing to buy Christmas gifts for their kids because it’s somehow killing the planet. And their comrades are blocking traffic and crazy-gluing their various body parts to the street, in the name of whatever crazy cause they care about this week. They’re all crazy.
Everybody is crazy. Everything is freaking crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy.
Or, if you prefer, crazier.
As the poet once wrote:
I know that my media diet has a lot to do with how I’m feeling right now. I’ve got two jobs, both of which require me to stick my face into a fire hose of breaking news every waking moment. I’m feeling a bit newsed out. But I count myself lucky to have any job at all, so I keep waking up every morning and swimming through human misery all day.
It’s really not putting me in a Christmas mood. Sorry if that’s a downer. But my gift to you, on Christmas and every other day, is honesty. You’re welcome.
On the other hand, this is #wholesomeAF and unironically awesome:
Satan gets an Atomic Leg Drop! I can’t embed that tweet because Elon is a dickhead, but you can watch the video of Hulk Hogan getting baptized here.
You don’t need to be a religious person to be happy for somebody who’s happy. And that guy looks happy. He’s been on my good list ever since he destroyed Gawker, so it’s nice to see him smiling.
Anybody else feel a song coming on?
And that’s gonna do it for this newsletter in 2023. What a year, huh? I’m very tired.
The next time I send this out will be in the sci-fi-sounding year of 2024, and it will have been six years since I’ve had a drop of alcohol. Or any other amount! So I’m pretty happy about that.
[PAUSE FOR SMATTERING OF POLITE APPLAUSE]
Alright, dear reader. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
And remember: Stop being crazy!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and keep up the good work. You're the Mike Rowe of politics.
We're living in Heinlein's Crazy Years, more-or-less. Not much fun.
But thanks for all the fun you gave us this year. Many times you were the bright moment of my day. And I'm glad you got a job, even if it did mean a bit less content here.
And Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy, Prosperous New Year.