A Few Other Ways Gavin Newsom Can Pretend to Be Normal
It's only make believe
It’s Friday, and you don’t feel like reading a bunch of stuff about politics. More importantly, I don’t feel like writing a bunch of stuff about politics. So I’ll just make fun of Gavin Newsom a little bit.
This week Newsom debuted a podcast, where he promises to talk to people who disagree with him. His first guest was Charlie Kirk, so obviously he meant it. And during their conversation, Newsom finally admitted it’s wrong to make girls compete against boys in sports.
Finally, a prominent Democrat is willing to say the obvious out loud.
Clearly, this is just the opening salvo of a Newsom presidential campaign in 2028. He’s pivoting to the center, as the pundits say.
So here are some fake images of the greasy-haired Adonis pretending to be an actual American, now that he realizes the entire Democrat agenda is electoral poison and his political career is over if he doesn’t start trying to act normal, pronto.
Tailgating at NASCAR
Shopping at Walmart
Standing in Line at the DMV
Going to the Coinstar Machine
Minding His Own Damn Business
This last one is my favorite. Can you even imagine a politician just leaving you alone and not telling you how to live your life? I can dream, can’t I?
Severance Spoilers
“‘Harmony Cobel. Well, flip my toboggan.’”
And here I was, wondering if the show had forgotten about her. Silly me.
Thirty years ago, if you had told me that someday Ben Stiller and “Alabama” from True Romance would create one of the most bleakly beautiful episodes of television ever…
So now we know Cobel’s whole deal, huh? No wonder she’s nuts. She created the severance procedure, not Jame Eagan, but she was such a company gal that she let them steal it from her. She grew up in a Lumon company town called Salt’s Neck, in what looks like the ass-end of Newfoundland, and she was a child laborer in one of their ether factories. Then Lumon abandoned the town, which is now populated mostly by ether addicts just waiting to freeze to death, and Cobel left with it.
The only thing I know about huffing ether is what Hunter S. Thompson once wrote: “There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge.” Doesn’t seem like fun, and apparently it’s what killed Cobel’s mother. But we actually see Cobel huff some of it, which is just wild. She really doesn’t care anymore.
I like that the script doesn’t throw a bunch of exposition at us. We just get little hints from the dialogue about what this desolate place is, who these people are, and why she’s there. It might be the shortest script the show has ever produced, but it explains everything we’ve been wondering about why Cobel is the way she is.
Kudos to the great Jane Alexander as Cobel’s Lumon-addled aunt, and James Le Gros as Cobel’s old… co-worker? Boyfriend? Both? It’s all very weird and sad and I like it very much.
So, what is Cobel planning to do with those severance notes she went all the way out there to retrieve? Go to the press? Are she and Mark going to become allies? I honestly have no idea where this is going, but they haven’t let us down.
Yet…
You can tell the first picture is AI because Democrats only put cheese on raw burgers, not after they're cooked.
I advise against trying to generate an image of Gavin Newsom governing California.
Some things are too fantastically absurd even for Grok.